I think about it constantly

widowlost · Sep 17, 2012 at 03:06 AM

My husband was murdered in front of me four yrs ago. I will never get over it. As angry as I am for what happended to him, I'm just as angry that I lived. I have youung adult kids and feel obligated to stay here because my family and husbandfamily are ****** wth tem, so I feel I must stay to loook t for thm, which leaves me feeing bitter. I want tto die. Every day I want todie. No matter ow much I try not to think that w I still do.,''''

widowlost · Sep 17, 2012 at 03:11 AM

sorry for the miss spell my phone only lets me see half what i type. Anyway i only have a med shrink and dont trust him enough yet to share everything plus he only seems to want to hear about meds. I'm afraid to say to much of how i feel for fear of being locked up

widowlost · Sep 17, 2012 at 03:14 AM

Plus i'm a people pleaser and very guarded with profesional types. I want my old theripist back that i totally trust but my income is zero and my insurance doesnt cover him. He offered to see me half price and I cant even afford that. Its so frustating.

jelly-bean · Sep 17, 2012 at 01:27 PM

I can not imagine having to deal with something like that! I know it's hard to open up sometimes but you really need to. Your other therapist was new to you at one time and you opened up so give the new therapist a chance too. Your children want you and need you to find a way to get help so you will be with them always. They have lost one parent, don't let them lose another. Please talk to your new therapist and get the meds you need so badly. You are important to this world.

Kingsley85 · Sep 17, 2012 at 10:34 PM

Every life has value, it sounds like you are so important to your kids. They might be upset too, sticking around for them is a good reason to live. Take the plunge to tell your new doctor what you need to, I think most doctors are in the mental health industry because they really want to help people. I can't imagine the pain you must be in, hang in there. You only need one reason to live.

TerryL · 03:21 AM

I don't have insurance and the Samaritans offered me counseling on a "pay what I can" basis. I'm not sure if they still do that though but you might want to look into that. Please take care.

Leed · Sep 18, 2012 at 02:36 AM

I agree with jelly-bean. Your old therapist was new at one time, and you didn't trust him at first. So give THIS one a chance, like youi did your old one, and talk to him. Tell him what happened, and how you feel now. Let him know what's going on so he can help you. YOU ARE WORTH IT. and your kids need you badly!!! They only have YOU now. I know it's a huge responsibility -- you used to have your hubby to back you up, but now it's just you. Let your therapist help you thru this. He CAN help and you deserve the help. You are a VITAL PERSON in this world. Don't ever think otherwise.

God put you here for a reaon, sweetie. You're not done yet.

I wish you the very best. If you care to talk more, just message me. I'll be happy to talk. Ilost my husband 11 yrs ago, altho it wasn't to murder. But i know the pain of being alone. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

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widowlost Member Member Since Sep 2012 Posts: 89 12 2 hugs given	Sep 17, 2012 at 03:11 AM #2 sorry for the miss spell my phone only lets me see half what i type. Anyway i only have a med shrink and dont trust him enough yet to share everything plus he only seems to want to hear about meds. I'm afraid to say to much of how i feel for fear of being locked up
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widowlost Member Member Since Sep 2012 Posts: 89 12 2 hugs given	Sep 17, 2012 at 03:14 AM #3 Plus i'm a people pleaser and very guarded with profesional types. I want my old theripist back that i totally trust but my income is zero and my insurance doesnt cover him. He offered to see me half price and I cant even afford that. Its so frustating.
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TerryL Poohbah Member Since Jul 2011 Location: usa Posts: 1,490 13 1,308 hugs given	Sep 18, 2012 at 02:20 AM #6 I don't have insurance and the Samaritans offered me counseling on a "pay what I can" basis. I'm not sure if they still do that though but you might want to look into that. Please take care. Last edited by TerryL; Sep 18, 2012 at 03:21 AM..
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