[DownfallOfUsAll]

I'm so unbelivebly sad right now. I've just been crying on and off for the last couple of hours. I never cry usually I just hold everything it but I'm just so sad and angry and lonely and I don't know what to do.

I'm trying to change things and I'm trying to finally do something with my life but it's so hard. For the last couple of months I've started exercising and eating healthier to lose the bit of weight I have put on due to excessive emotional eating. It's hard and I'm slowly getting there. I'm trying so hard to motivate myself to keep going.

I'm still trying to find a job and I had my first job interview the other day. I really wanted the job because it's very flexible and it doesn't seem that hard of a job to start out with but I haven't heard anything back and I'm afraid I haven't got it. I need this job. I haven't had money of my own for over a year and it's such a struggle. My mum is fed up with giving me money and I dread going to her to ask for it.

I've had to unwilling sign up to get job seeking benefits because I just can't stand this anymore but now I'm unable to get the money as my bank closed my bank account due to being in debt and I have no other account. It's so fustrating. I feel like such a failure.

I'm so scared the benefit people will make me do a job I don't want to though. I've always been so petrified of working and getting my first job. Especially a full time one. I don't think I'd be able to do it.

I'm just fed up and I wish there was a way out. I just want to give up and go to bed and not get back out again. I'm so tired and I haven't got the energy for this.

I've got no one to talk to anymore. I haven't really got any friends anymore. The last few friends I had have moved on. I've tried to talk to them a couple of times but I just don't think they care anymore. I left it too late. Now I'm alone.

I want help but I don't. I could never afford it anyway. The last time I went to a councillor in college last year was terrible anyway. I saw her for about 6 months and didn't get anywhere at all. I spent most of the time just staring at the carpet to be honest. It didn't help one bit.

I tried going to the doctors once before as well. I think I talked about that on here last year.. but that never got anywhere either. I couldn't even tell him about how I was feeling he just guessed. He just gave me a number for some councilling group but I was too scared to call it and never did.

All I want someone to talk to about everything though and to make me feel better and I just need a way out of this.

All I've done on this site is ramble pointlessly about my problems and I know it's getting me nowhere but I'm too scared to do anything else.

[Rohag]

DownfallOfUsAll, please keep on rambling. I don't believe it's pointless. Depression and circumstances have paralysed your will. "Rambling" is something. You're exercising your thoughts and in time you may find a confident vocabulary, powerful words to speak to yourself and others.

[whimsygirl]

Hi DownfallOfUsAll.....First of all, I am so very sorry about how terribly bad you're feeling. Perhaps it does not help to know, but I'll just say that I have been in similar places. Of course everyone's exact details are unique, but many of your words do echo things I have felt. I agree very much with what Rohag has said. Despite the fact that it might feel as if posting here is not important, I believe that you never know when some little thing in someone's response....some tiny thought expressed in a certain way might break through the veil of depression and touch you, or allow you to feel a glimmer of light ~hope that you wouldn't have expected. Please don't get me wrong....I have been in that place where I can not see a bit of perspective, or imagine ever feeling better, but I have also experienced the return of better days. Yes there are ups and downs, but I have made it through some times when I could never imagine an "okay" day ever happening again. Sending hugs and prayers ~whimsy

[carebirdy]

DownfallOfUsAll - I hear you. I'm working several part time jobs to make ends meet, and I'm still falling short. I'm lucky that my parents could spot me some cash, but it feels awful to take it. Both my partner and I are recent grads and can't get unemployment. This economy makes it just that much more difficult for us who struggle regularly with depression. I hope everything works for you. I hope you don't get stuck with an awful job. If you can find a T awesome. Most are pretty understanding that it's really hard for people to call them. If it is too hard right now to call a T, don't beat yourself up. When you can you will.

[DownfallOfUsAll]

Originally Posted by carebirdy

DownfallOfUsAll - I hear you. I'm working several part time jobs to make ends meet, and I'm still falling short. I'm lucky that my parents could spot me some cash, but it feels awful to take it. Both my partner and I are recent grads and can't get unemployment. This economy makes it just that much more difficult for us who struggle regularly with depression. I hope everything works for you. I hope you don't get stuck with an awful job. If you can find a T awesome. Most are pretty understanding that it's really hard for people to call them. If it is too hard right now to call a T, don't beat yourself up. When you can you will.

I really hope I will be able to call them one day, thank you