[Augusta_A]

I'm an older woman who has suffered a lot of family pain all my life. Last week I had a birthday. I'm in touch with only two of my five siblings, but I did expect those two siblings to acknowledge my birthday in some way. (In the family we were raised in, birthdays were always a big deal.)

My youngest sister is one of those two. We haven't always gotten on well, but we have done better in the last ten months. So I really did expect to hear from her.

The problem is not so much that she didn't bother even to send an email but that, even when we were on the phone and I brought up my birthday, she still refused to acknowledge it. I asked her if she had forgotten it, and she said, "No, I didn't forget it" -- but that was all. I didn't know what to say at that point, so I asked her if she had made a decision to ignore it, and she said, "No, I didn't decide to ignore it" -- but that was all.

At that point, I wanted to curl up and die. We had quite a prolonged argument, at the end of which she did wish me a happy birthday and did apologize for not having done so earlier.

However, I am inconsolable over this episode. As I told my sister, all I want is basic, ordinary courtesy and, occasionally, a little kindness.

However, I feel that she has made it clear that I am not a person who she deems worthy of even such a slight courtesy as wishing 'happy birthday.'

It may not make sense to anyone else, but I am just deeply upset over this. I feel that if I have to wrestle with my sister -- and it really was wrestling -- in order to wring such simple words out of her, then I must really be worthless.

And even if it's a comment on her, rather than on me, it still leaves me terribly alone.

.

[Leed]

Bless your heart --- pleae listen to me. You are NOT WORTHLESS. God made you and God does not make junk! You are a precious human being with just as much worth as anyone else on earth!! NO ONE ELSE on this earth has any more worth than YOU. NO one.

It just shows how unkind and selfish your sister is that she can't even offer a "Happy Birthday" to her own sister. It's NOT that hard to say. I dont care what went on in the past -- she can't at LEAST take the time to offer those two words!! So selfish is her name.

It's awfully hard being alone, and I'm sorry you feel you are. What about the other sister you're in contact with? Did she contact you on your birthday? I certainly hope so. So you live far away from both of them?

Just remember that no matter how timidk unsure, or frightened you feel, you have to practice saying "I'm here, I count, This is what I think." When you feel worthless, you have to make yourself be heard -- by someone, somewhere, wherever you are, about whatever you're talking about!! You are NOT worthless and never will be.

God bless my friend and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Augusta_A]

Hello, Leed,

Thank you so much for replying to my post. I was in really bad shape yesterday, and your kindness truly helped me.

My sister's astounding thoughtlessness was like a blow to the solar plexus. I had thought I could trust her and we could be friends. Yet it turned out that I could not even trust her to observe the barest conventional politeness of acknowledging my birthday.

My family has often made me wish that I were dead, and that I had never been born.

Your sympathy and validation helped me feel like a human being again.