[canyouseemenow]

I'm so tired of being ignored and invisible..of trying so hard and getting no where! I wanna be done with it all! No one cares..I'm not good at anything! The only thing I wanted was to be good at art and I can't do it!! I try and I try and try and nothing! No one gives a crap!

I'm tried of everyone forgetting me..My own husband gets mad at me when I'm in physical pain..I'm tried of being poor and only able to eat one meal a day..I'm tired of my family forgetting me..I'm tried of everyone telling me I'm just lazy and saying think about so and so and how you could have it worse! I hate that!! Stop telling me to think about everyone else who is messed up! What about me for once!?! Why won't anyone care about me! I hate that I can't be good at anything! I hate that no one cares about me! I'm so tired of it!! I just wanna be done so bad..I tried to make friends and no one wants me..I try to be good at something and I get no where! Constantly in someone elses shadow..pushed aside and forgotten..I'm just so friggin tired of it all..I never leave my house, I panic, afraid people can see me..I have so many phobias of spiders, getting sick, germs, zombies..making sure everything is locked..I'm always stuck in my head! Everything in my mind is real to me and no one listens to me! I tried telling people about the trauma I suffered but all they did was laugh..Telling people my beliefs and got made fun of..lost friends for it all..I tried therapists but they all failed me..no of them cared about me!

I'd give anything to be able to see people no one else could, no matter how horrible they were to me because atleast then I would always have someone with me! I try telling my husband I think I'm physically sick and all I get is a shut up. And all I can do is laugh and cry at the same time right now..i'm sick of the stupid twich I constantly have in my hands and the random laughing..its makes me look handcapped! God knows I'm slow though! They all told my parents I should've been in the slow class! I couldn't attempt suicide if I tried..cutting means germs, germs mean illness, stds, disease..And I'm so tired of the dizziness..I'm tired of looking out of my body..feeling like someone else is with me! Constantly feel like I'm someone else..a boy, sometimes a lesbian, a child....always feeling like someone else is moving my body and I have no control of my actions..and no one listens to me still..I tried telling my husband, my therapists and nothing. Maybe it's time I get it through my head I'm just nothing...

I hate showing this weakness..but it doesn't matter, because I'm invisible.

[CgRgSm]

hey ... I feel your pain. I know what it is like to be ignored and be pushed aside. I've been pushed around all my life. This is a cruel world to be a part of... and I agree with you. I feel a lot of these things all the time. I feel tired of trying 'n' all that stuff. Feeling like you can't get anywhere. Truth is, I don't know if there is anywhere to go from here. I've only been trying 1 therapist so far, I'm only 22 years old, but I tell him these things and he says he doesn't expect me to know where to go from here, that's why he is the psychologist. And he claims that 85% of his patients get "cured" within a measly 24 sessions... I already can guess that I'm not one of those 85%...

The best I can recommend for you to give you peace in your mind... is to please realize that other people have a lot of problems of their own, and when they say hurtful things to try not to hold it against them. I remind myself every day that it is not anyone's fault, the way they act, or the way things are. Everything happens for a reason...

[Sam2]

[quote=canyouseemenow;2674960]I'm so tired of being ignored and invisible..of trying so hard and getting no where! I wanna be done with it all! No one cares..I'm not good at anything! The only thing I wanted was to be good at art and I can't do it!! I try and I try and try and nothing! No one gives a crap!

I'm tried of everyone forgetting me..My own husband gets mad at me when I'm in physical pain..I'm tried of being poor and only able to eat one meal a day..I'm tired of my family forgetting me..I'm tried of everyone telling me I'm just lazy and saying think about so and so and how you could have it worse! I hate that!! Stop telling me to think about everyone else who is messed up! What about me for once!?! Why won't anyone care about me! I hate that I can't be good at anything! I hate that no one cares about me! I'm so tired of it!! I just wanna be done so bad..I tried to make friends and no one wants me..I try to be good at something and I get no where! Constantly in someone elses shadow..pushed aside and forgotten..I'm just so friggin tired of it all..I never leave my house, I panic, afraid people can see me..I have so many phobias of spiders, getting sick, germs, zombies..making sure everything is locked..I'm always stuck in my head! Everything in my mind is real to me and no one listens to me! I tried telling people about the trauma I suffered but all they did was laugh..Telling people my beliefs and got made fun of..lost friends for it all..I tried therapists but they all failed me..no of them cared about me!

I'd give anything to be able to see people no one else could, no matter how horrible they were to me because atleast then I would always have someone with me! I try telling my husband I think I'm physically sick and all I get is a shut up. And all I can do is laugh and cry at the same time right now..i'm sick of the stupid twich I constantly have in my hands and the random laughing..its makes me look handcapped! God knows I'm slow though! They all told my parents I should've been in the slow class! I couldn't attempt suicide if I tried..cutting means germs, germs mean illness, stds, disease..And I'm so tired of the dizziness..I'm tired of looking out of my body..feeling like someone else is with me! Constantly feel like I'm someone else..a boy, sometimes a lesbian, a child....always feeling like someone else is moving my body and I have no control of my actions..and no one listens to me still..I tried telling my husband, my therapists and nothing. Maybe it's time I get it through my head I'm just nothing...

I hate showing this weakness..but it doesn't matter, because I'm invisible.[/quote\
Life is hard when you are in so much trouble. Nights are bad, but haing to face the beginning of a new day can be worse. You are trying to deal with an awful lost right now. I get that you don't like shrinks. They aren't my favorite either. From what I understand, they can't allow themselves to become involved emotionally with their patients. If they did, they would be as bad off as we are. Most shrinks have their own therapists to deal with all the pain they are seeing in their patients.

Have you ever considered in hospital therapy? It sounds bad, and I could cetainly understand if you thought the idea was terrible, but it may give you a safe place where you can work on what is going on inside you without having distractions from the everyday world. Judging from your post, you sound as if you are in crisis. Emotional problems and pain are every bit as bad as physical problems and pain. Sometimes worse. If your problem was physical, you probably wouldn't have any hesitation to see a Dr. or go into a hospital if your condition was serious. Emotional crisis is no different. Its true that society looks at it different. They are quick to want to help someone with a physical impairment, but often want to run from an emotional one. Give inpatient treatment a thought. You are an adult and can leave anytime you want, so its not a trap. I'm worried about what I'm seeing in your post, and want you to feel better. There is no quick fix.

Sam2

[canyouseemenow]

Thank you both for responding, and I'm really sorry it took me forever and a day to comment back. I honestly don't think I could do hospital therapy..I would be around people and that scares me..I mean it has crossed my mind but then the thought of seeing other people and being in a room..not being able to do my every day routine, not being able to be around the things that make me comfortable..my reactions would probably give them a reason to hold me against my will. I couldn't risk that..And right now my family is focusing on my cousin, who was recently diagnosed with PTSD..so if I was to even attempt some kind of help, that would be one fight I just couldn't handle..They would say I'm just being selfish, wanting the attention..None of them know half of what I spoke about in this thread..I've learned opening up to people around you can be dangerous..Here, on this site, no one sees me..no one knows what I look like, sound like..no one knows my name, so here no one can hurt me. And I'm almost certain if I did do the hospital therapy they would say I'm just wasting their time because when I was in therapy before and I tried to talk it's like I physically couldn't..like something was holding me back from letting them know certain things..so I figure it's just safer to deal with it myself.

[Rohag]

Hello, Canyouseemenow!

Originally Posted by canyouseemenow

...the thought of seeing other people and being in a room..not being able to do my every day routine, not being able to be around the things that make me comfortable..my reactions would probably give them a reason to hold me against my will.

This speaks to me. My own psychiatrist, in fact, has told me that hospitalization "would not be therapeutic" for me. My overall impression is that inpatient can be wonderful for some and less so for others.

Originally Posted by canyouseemenow

I'm tried of everyone forgetting me ... I tried therapists but they all failed me..no of them cared about me

That is a powerful paragraph! You are dealing with so much. Have you thought about seeking general assistance potentially provided by social services?

Please keep posting.

[sciencegirl]

I know what you mean about the terrors of seeking help from those you know, its really scary for a lot of us (myself included) to have to own up to needing help to regain control in our lives and its even worse when you risk rejection from those you love. Hospital treatment is always an option, but if you are more comfortable dealing with it yourself I think you've already taken the first step by opening up here. I think continuing to post will help you at least clear your head a little; I know writing things down is really helping me move through things.

Another thing that has really helped me (especially in terms of self-esteem) has been making 'kindness resolutions.' In a world where so many feel pushed aside, or forgotten, or invisible, making a connection through kindness can make a big difference in someone's day. Sometimes its just smiling at someone who looks sad, or offering to help with some event, or helping someone reach something on the top shelf, etc. Nothing big. But you never know when a tiny act will completely make a difference in someone's life, and when that person receives your kindness you are no longer invisible in their eyes. If you have more time on your hands I would suggest volunteering, but it sounds like you are dealing with a lot and I wouldn't want to add to your burdens. But, the beauty of kindness resolutions is they are easy, cheap, and rewarding to both the doer and recipient. Like you, I felt a lot like there was nothing I was good at, that I didn't have a niche like all my friends. But I sort of made doing little things for others my talent, and it continues to give me the little boost I need to get through the day.

I really feel for you suffering from all those phobias; it sounds really awful. I have never struggled with that particular problem myself but I think the best thing you can do is try to avoid images or items that trigger your worries - don't watch any scary zombie movies or read any books about giant spiders. If you try to fill your head with pleasant thoughts and images, maybe it will be easier to keep your fears out.

I hope my advice is helpful; if what has helped me doesn't help you I think the best thing you can do is continue writing down your thoughts here. While we can't physically see you, your pain and your words are not invisible and will not be forgotten by us. Keeping you in my prayers, -sciencegirl

[canyouseemenow]

Thank you for responding..how could Social Services help?

And I'm sorry for my horrible spelling errors..as much as I check my spelling I can't believe I misspelled tired and none..and God only knows what else I spelled wrong..I'm 22 and can't spell those words..awesome.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by canyouseemenow

..how could Social Services help?

I don't know how they might be able to help in your specific circumstances, but sometimes when the mental health professionals (therapists, psychiatrists, etc.) fail, those who approach things from a different angle (social workers, charities, vocational and educational counselors, massage therapists, etc.) succeed.

One reason I mention this is that you said you are hungry.

In the USA, 2-1-1 (Information & Referral Search; United Way / AIRS) is a kind of catch-all for resources available in your local area.

[canyouseemenow]

@sciencegirl I am so sorry it looked like I ignored you, I didn't see your comment and again I am really sorry..I feel bad about that But with everything you said, thank you. I definitely avoid anything to do with my fears though it's difficult when it comes to germs..As for the kindness thing, it's hard since I don't really leave my house. I mean I'm a nice person, it's just hard to explain But again thank you... @Rohag thank you, I'll look into it..maybe some good luck will finally come my way lol as for the hunger thing, it's no big deal really..I'm use to it and I mean it's not a good thing but I try not to think to much on it. My family and I have tried the food stamps thing before and they actually turned us down. So idk, but I'll see if Social Services can help me out