[LostMom3]

I have been fighting this depression for weeks, heck maybe even months. Now that I am home all day everyday, I can't get away from it. It is caused by so many things that I don't even know what really started it. The worry about my oldest sons, hating how I look and feel, worry about how my youngest son is going to take his grandmother's passing, how my boyfriends sons treat me like their personal slave, how my boyfriend makes me feel when he talks about how good other women look, not seeing my grandchildren, not being able to eat certain foods because of the gastroparesis, and I could keep listing things forever and a day.
I don't have a therapist yet, I have missed my last 2 appointments with my pdoc, so I haven't been able to get a referral. When I do get a referral, I will have to go to another county just to see a therapist as there are none in our county. I feel hopeless and lost and sometimes worthless. Sometimes I have thoughts of death but could never go through with any of it. My youngest son needs me too bad. He has no one but me. I have no one but my boys, my boyfriend, and his kids. Funny how that works. They are all I have and they all trigger my depression in different ways. I have isolated myself from anyone else that I was close to. Either because I felt threatened or because of them not being able to handle my delusions and hallucinations.
When I am depressed, my hallucinations are much more active. So, on top of feeling so hopeless, I have to hear voices telling me how worthless and bad I am. So far I haven't seen my creatures. When they show up it is always when things are at the worst.
I have thought about going into a facility until I can get a grip, but I really can't leave my son. I will just hve to fight this as best as I can.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. You have GOT to get into see the therapist as soon as possible. I don't know what the hold up is, but please try to hurry up the referral. The sooner you get your referral, the sooner you can start your sessions! I'm sure you'll feel better once you start seeing the therapist!

You certainly have some issues that need caring for. I know how frustrating this must be -- and how scary it must be too. Seeing creatures would upset me big time! If you feel that you REALLY need to go into the facility, don't hesitate -- I KNOW that your son will be taken care of, and you know it too. Your health is important too, not just your son's. YOU have to be healthy in order to take care of your son. So don't hesitate to go inpatient if it's needed.

I wish you the very best "Mom" -- God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by LostMom3

It is caused by so many things that I don't even know what really started it.

Hi Mom....Obviously you have many challenges to deal with in your life (so sorry about that ) I hope you will keep the next appointment with your doctor and do all you can to fight this debilitating mood disorder. Best of luck to you ~whimsy

[Dan12345]

Hey, im sorry that you're feeling so bad, I've been at the lowest point in my life over the last 16 months, hell and back. My advice to anyone is fight for something and hold on to it. Your a strong woman and you're holding it together better than you think. Keep up the good work, tell them voices in your head to kindly fluff off!

[LostMom3]

I have called my pdoc to see if he can see me earlier. He is going to let me know as soon as they have an opening. I am hoping for this week. I am also checking into a few places my son might could stay if I decide to go into a facility. I know things will turn around, it always does. I am just trying to hole on. Thank you all for responding, it does help to know someone cares enough to respond to me/

[Snowy83]

I'm glad you are taking actions to help yourself, I'm sure all will be fine once you able to visit the doc and give you some advice. I miss your posts, pls keep us updated how it goes.