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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,143
13 59 hugs
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Oct 18, 2012 at 07:12 PM
#1
why can't i just be happy hat i have a job? why doesn't it make me feel good that it only took a total of three days? why do i still feel like crap?
why do i still want to die? from the moment i got up this morning i've been feeling worse and worse and worse. and then, at a red light, just seeing and hearing the ambulance in the lane next to me was enough to take me right back to that bathroom a few weeks ago. and i have to live through it all over again. and again. and again. every detail that i remember. i just want to die. get it over with already. get it right this time. do enough research to know what i'm doing. get out __________________ As she draws her final breath Just beyond the door he'll find her Taking her hand he softly says For the first time you can open your eyes And see the world without your sorrow Where no one knows the pain you left behind And all the peace you could never find Is waiting there to hold and keep you Welcome to the first day of your life Just open up your eyes as I lay you down tonight Safe on the other side No more tears to cry |
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 LiveThroughThis, LostMom3, missbelle, optimize990h, Rohag, shinkikker, TerryL, Vossie42
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Member
Member Since Oct 2012
Location: Bloomington, IN
Posts: 79
11 28 hugs
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Oct 18, 2012 at 08:06 PM
#2
Just keep going. Even if it's all you're capable of doing, just keep going. <3
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2010
Location: Fairfax, Va.
Posts: 9,199
13 1,058 hugs
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Oct 18, 2012 at 08:22 PM
#3
Please hang around a little longer. That is your depression talking to you. Its not real. Yes, it feels real but its not. Your depression has totally colored your world. You are perceiving it incorrectly!
Go back to the pdoc. Insist on getting better and better meds.Its important to all of us here that you are o.k. We need you here. You are our friend in the cyber world, and we need you to stay and fight hard!! __________________ Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. Oscar Wilde Well Behaved Women Seldom Make History - Laurel Thatcher Ulrich The road to hell is paved with good intentions. "And psychology has once again proved itself the doofus of the sciences" Sheldon Cooper 
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 Rachel.i
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: usa
Posts: 1,482
12 1,308 hugs
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Oct 19, 2012 at 03:35 AM
#4
Hi wwie, I think starting any new job is nerve-wracking enough for anyone and to be depressed on top of that....and the idea of working with others who don't know what you are going through and to have to put on that happy face...I would dread it too. But I hope you will give it a chance. It might not solve all your problems but it might help a little. You are so brave to even try for this. wishing you well.
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LiveThroughThis
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,143
13 59 hugs
given |
Oct 19, 2012 at 03:18 PM
#5
i just saw an interview with halle berry, where she talks about her suicide attempt. she said it "was an incredibly selfish thing to do", and that she "wil never be a coward again".
that really upset me. i don't think suicide is selfish. forcing someone to live so you don't have to deal with the death is selfish. and i don't think there's anything cowardly about suicde either. feeling extremely low and suicidal right now. __________________ As she draws her final breath Just beyond the door he'll find her Taking her hand he softly says For the first time you can open your eyes And see the world without your sorrow Where no one knows the pain you left behind And all the peace you could never find Is waiting there to hold and keep you Welcome to the first day of your life Just open up your eyes as I lay you down tonight Safe on the other side No more tears to cry |
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LiveThroughThis
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: usa
Posts: 1,482
12 1,308 hugs
given |
Oct 19, 2012 at 04:23 PM
#6
I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad. It's hard to do this alone. Have you found a new T yet?
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Poohbah
Member Since Nov 2010
Location: US
Posts: 1,143
13 59 hugs
given |
Oct 19, 2012 at 07:38 PM
#7
yes, i have a new t.
and things are getting worse yet again. another punch in the face. it never ends. ever. ever ever ever. why even keep trying? nothing ever changes. i'm done. just done. it's over for me. __________________ As she draws her final breath Just beyond the door he'll find her Taking her hand he softly says For the first time you can open your eyes And see the world without your sorrow Where no one knows the pain you left behind And all the peace you could never find Is waiting there to hold and keep you Welcome to the first day of your life Just open up your eyes as I lay you down tonight Safe on the other side No more tears to cry |
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: usa
Posts: 1,482
12 1,308 hugs
given |
Oct 19, 2012 at 08:13 PM
#8
Quote:
 how is your new T? is he/she helpful to you at all? |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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