[Jpat]

Dear readers,

I have joined this community in hopes to find out what is wrong with me. Before I explain what is wrong with me, I'd like to introduce myself. I am 21 year old med student in my first year. I did 2 years of undergrad before I decided to pursue a career in medicine. I was content with my life before 18 years of age. However, I started feeling down in the second semester of undergrad. I didn't think much of it, I mistook it as feeling homesick. Near the end of 2nd semester, I started shutting people out of my life... they didn't do anything wrong, I just didn't want to talk to anyone. This continued on for a while till my friends started giving up and completely stopped talking to me. This upset me even more. It got to a point where I didn't know how to communicate in a social gathering.

I barricaded myself in my room for weeks at times with no sunshine or communication. I only left the room to go to the washroom or make something to eat. I just felt hopeless and unbearably unhappy... and still do. It feels as if I have this massive pressure on my chest and I cry uncontrollably for hours at times.

I reached out to my parents but they were not understanding. They thought it was all in my head and to just get over it. My mom doesn't believe in depression, yes believe. She thinks it's a way of people to get attention. I get really upset when she says these things but she is my mother and I love and respect her very much, so I don't say anything (although I have tried to educate her in this matter... she still doesn't believe in it). Being shut down by friends and family... I decided to make changes. I apologized to all my friends and they kindly forgave me and we're all good friends once again... in fact, I have become closer to some of them. The burden I felt before wasn't as heavy now... but it was still there.

When I got accepted to medical school, the new environment helped a lot. I met new people and slowly built my confidence in social gatherings. I started running every morning and joined kickboxing classes. The weight loss and attention from the opposite sex really boost my confidence. Things were looking up. I was fine for a while but the depression came back and a lot stronger than before. While things were looking up, I met a man who loves me very much. We're now dating and he's always there for me and understands what I'm going through but there is only so much he can do for me... I am helpless. I can't socialize properly anymore, I can't focus on studying, I have gained so much weight... and it's killing me inside. I know I need help and need to find out how to be happy again.

I hope this website will help me find that...

Cheers.

[Iamhealingme]

You are in a carreer that sees a lot of pain and if you are sensitive and empathize easily you may be carrying everyones pain and think its your own. When you see a lot of pain and can't let it go the words post tramatic stress syndrome come to my mind.

[Jpat]

Originally Posted by Iamhealingme

You are in a carreer that sees a lot of pain and if you are sensitive and empathize easily you may be carrying everyones pain and think its your own. When you see a lot of pain and can't let it go the words post tramatic stress syndrome come to my mind.

I am thankful for your idea, it means a lot that you care. Only thing is, I am at a stage in med career where I have not had any practical experience. I am simply studying the basic sciences right now. Although I am a very sensitive person, my boyfriend thinks I have an oversensitive personality... and he has to be really careful of what he says because I get hurt easily. Other than that, nothing bad has happened to me... I'm just really sad for no reason. It's hurting our relationship because he keeps blaming himself.