[A_Space_Between]

How do you actually know when it's time to seek therapy/be put on anti-depressants?

I've never actually been diagnosed w/anything by a professional (don't want to go to a psychiatrist because I don't want to be put on drugs right off the bat, & am a student, so no $ for a psychologist).

I've definitely hit a slump this wk/end. I don't know if it's just because I was basically on caffeine all last wk for midterms & my body is trying to bounce back from that or what (I'm definitely really tired).... But I definitely feel like I'm in a hole, or went from teetering on the edge of a cliff to over.

I don't believe that there is a point in life, I don't believe that there is a point in having to struggle this much. No matter what I do, I'm never good enough by the standards of society anyway...& nothing is going to change that, believe me. I have tried & tried & tried, and told myself that eventually I will find something to make me happy/worthwhile/good enough. But all our society is about is making people feel like ****. I'm tired of struggling & I have less & less motivation to do so. If it involves too much struggle, I just want to give up. I've already struggled enough, and selfishly, I just want something to be easy for once. I feel like my life is a wasted opportunity. I don't have passion anymore...at least not for things I can change.

Depression quizzes all bug the heck out of me, because they all ask questions like: have you been sad/upset/cried in the past (insert time period). But most of the time I am just devoid of positive emotions. It's not that I cry or am sad all the time....it's just that I'm nothing. I get anxiety & anger, but I wouldn't say that I get what you would call depression. It's just emptiness.

And if you are going to talk about the locus of control (external vs. internal)...most of the things that bug me are external therefore I can't control them (i.e: how do you control the government having too much power over the day to day lives of citizens? how do you expose/combat the media & all it's ridiculousness i.e: fear-mongering, sexism etc), & the feeling of not being able to control something or do something about things drives me crazy. It makes me wonder what the point of this all is? If you can't change things, if you can't make the world better...what is the point in being in it? And if you are never good enough, what is the point in being here? And I also wasn't supposed to be alive in the first place...which is another bummer, because I really wish I wasn't (not actively suicidal just hoping that I have a shorter life as opposed to a longer one...if it's gonna suck, why would you want a long one anyway?).

So...at what point in time does something stop being just normal for you & start becoming a problem? I think I may have dysthymia, but I'm not sure if it is that, or I am just normal. And that's why I hesitate to get help, because I'm not sure I really need it, I might just be normal & need to get over myself.

So, I know that none of you are dr.s, but in your experience, does any of this sound like a 'normal' person, or does it sound like it could be more dysthymia/depression? I haven't enjoyed my life since I was a small child (at least not that I can tell), & for all intents & purposes I believe that happiness is an illusion/delusion (used to sell things like self-help books & capitalism). If emotions are subjective, who defines the standard anyway? Who is to say that my unhappiness is not the same as someone else's happiness? And yes, there are brain chemicals involved, but can happiness really be defined as x amount of dopamine + x amount of serotonin etc?

Thanks for any responses

[tokiwartooth]

Sounds to me like you could benefit from talking to someone. If you haven't enjoyed life since you were a small child, then I think you could benefit from talking to a therapist or someone like that. I was to the point of having my suicide all planned out when I went for help, and they were able to help me. It does sound like depression to me. I remember reading somewhere about getting to a point where you're beyond tears. It's a horrible feeling. I don't think how you feel sounds "normal", even if there is no standard as to what normal is. I have anxiety and anger as well, emptiness, hopelessness, feeling like a failure, and I am depressed. Mine is severe. It always has been. I used to wish for a short life, or to die soon, but I don't feel that way now. I do take meds, and they can help. I didn't want to take them at first either, I thought it would be a fake happiness. But it's really not. It puts the chemicals back into my brain that were lacking before, and helps bring me up. I'm by no means cured or anything, I'm still depressed, but it's not anything like it was back then. That was about 13 years ago. If you do take meds, you might have to try a few before you find one that is right for you. I tried two before I was started on Prozac. But Prozac is known to poop out after about 2 years, and it did. So I took different meds, which I maxed out on after a few years, and now I'm on Wellbutrin. I'm on a lower dose, but I'm probably going to have to up it. The only med that I've taken that has lasted is clomipramine. I have been on that for 10 years and not had to up the dose. But that's more for OCD than just depression. I started out on Buspar. It was ok, but it wasn't strong enough for me. It did take the edge off though. If I were you, maybe talk to a counselor or therapist first. Are you in college? If so, they oftentimes offer services to students for free. Or if you're in high school, they usually have counselors at school. Or the school would most likely know where you can get services, whether you're in college or high school. They would probly be able to put you in the right direction. If they think you should see a psychiatrist, then they can refer you to one. Just bc you see a psychiatrist doesn't mean you automatically have to go on meds. I talked with mine before deciding to start on meds. I'm probly not a whole lot of help, but I hope I helped some.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, A_Space_Between!

Originally Posted by A_Space_Between

Depression quizzes all bug the heck out of me, because they all ask questions like: have you been sad/upset/cried in the past (insert time period). But most of the time I am just devoid of positive emotions. It's not that I cry or am sad all the time....it's just that I'm nothing. I get anxiety & anger, but I wouldn't say that I get what you would call depression. It's just emptiness.

To this I can relate. I've long carried a depression diagnosis and my primary experiences of depression are emptiness and demotivation rather than sadness.

I agree with Tokiwartooth's suggestion to talk to someone who could screen you properly for depression. Do you have access to no/low-cost counseling at your school? Does your school have a psychology department? If you do see a counselor and are not actively "unsafe," you should remain in control; you do not need to accept medications or further counseling.

[oliamble]

I wouldnt know the extract scientific details of the neuro transmitters in the brain, their functions and how they work in depression, but it seems that all anti depressants target the re uptake of serotonin and dopamine as well as norepinephrine, but mostly serotonin. And this is why they seem to help.

I myself was taking an herb called 5htp & St. John Worth and it seem to help, but my eyes would begin to hurt as a reaction to too much sunlight. In this manner anti depressants offer less side effects such as SSRI anti depressants and have been proven to help severe depressed people (I'm a testament).

So again, what I am trying to say is that maybe you should give the anti depressants a try and I'm sure they can refer you to a low income qualifying clinic where you'll be able to see a good psychiatrist that can diognose you correctly and put you on a medication which you can respond positively. Good luck.