[Marcelo]

I know why...
1) because everyday I watch more people killed in the news and the human rights only protect the perpetrators
2) because corruption in my country (Brazil) is epidemic, and we pay one of the worst taxes in the world
3) cause people don't know how to vote
4) and they play funk by my window at 3am
5) and I can't find friends to play some casual RPG
6) neither do I go to the gym for more than 2 weeks, I don't talk to people there, I don't want to be around anyone
7) and then I get lazy
8) and then I eat
9) and then my colesterol goes berzerk
10) and when I'm at work, some rich dude put 150$ thousand dollars to develop something I was doing in my free time and is already making half a million in the market when I give up my project for another one...
11) ... and see it happening again
12) and if I want my 8 dollars Netflix to play more than 20 movies I have to crack an IP to access as an american, because I pay the same here but receive only bananas
13) and Sony-Brazil sold me a Netflix ready TV that cannot access Netflix from Brazil, even thou I'm a paid Netflix member, just because some moron at Sony-Brazil forgot to enable the Netflix App (bug reported, they will fix it until... 2015)
14) and comes soccer season again and nobody cares that some convict left prison on a "Christmas-jail-free-crap" and killed 2 mothers before getting arrested again, and this pisses me of so much I can hardly describe
15) and so on until I "run out of numbers"

my real question is... with that much anger, hate.. that I can only suppose comes form a feeling of powerlessness (is that a word?), how can i prevent myself from turning to the dark side, throwing it all to hell and just stepping on other peoples heads to move up in life, hurting feelings to get laid and all the other gruesome things I'd love to do at the top of an unhealthy sadism?

I heard the darkside has cupcakes and free beer...

And then to avoid becoming this, I just sit around at home, doing nothing, wanting but not wanting to have people in my life.

[Sam2]

Marcelo,
I can see why you woud be angry. I can't say that I have ever experienced life in another country, so I have to go with what you are telling me.

Do you have any wish to leave the country? Are all populated areas as you have described? I know that moving even within a country is difficult and takes money. If you don't really want to leave your country, is it possible to hook up with a therapist that can help you work through these issues?

You don't want to go to the darkside. sometimes it looks good, but there is always a heavy price to pay. Usually heavier than people are able to pay. It won't make you feel better, and in the long run, you will only feel worse. Getting to the bottom of your anger is probably a better way to go. Work on the good side of you. Find a cause to defend if you want to. The road down the dark side usually ends in disaster. It always looks good from the outside, and by the time you realize what you have gotten yourself into, its too late.

I hope things work out for you. Life is a struggle, no matter where you are. Even the rich and privileged have problems. Many as bad or worse than those of middle class or even poor.

Sam2

[GreyThinker]

yeah I hear you... the violence and injustice of this world really gets to me too, and then that makes the more trivial things in our lives seem worse than they really are. And yes, then comes helplessness and powerlessness to do anything about most of it which brings anger.... but hey... if you and I and others that feel that way throw all our decent feelings aside and join the rat race, that will only take away some little good part of the world (us) and contribute to the madness. I suppose all we can do is somehow be a little light ourselves and maybe overall there might be some kind of balance. Some wise person said once "BE the change you want to see in the world" and that is the mantra I hold onto when I feel that dark calling me... because I so don't want to become what I hate.

[Redsoft]

Don't go to the dark side. Once you join them, they want you the rest of your life. I've been trying to escape that choice for years, and I still get dragged back. The thing they don't tell you before you choose the dark side is there's still cupcakes and beer in the light - they're just in the back of the fridge.

Don't give up, find someone to talk to that will listen and also offer how to cope or support change of habit. A therapist is perfect for this, but it can be easier to start with a friend first.

[Marcelo]

thanks for all the replies

I've been to some therapists, but always comes a time when they say "if that troubles you so much, look the other way"... I don't think denial is something smart.

I've also been to other countries and other regions within my country. Yes I could move but that would only solve my problems (a part of them, anyway). Even here it's not everything all that evil but still...

I tried to do my share in the politics and got kicked out (literally) for telling the truth people doesn't want to hear (and all that after finding and blowing open a 200k "misused" funds). I lost a cousin (he was in a task force against drug cartels) fighting crime... I know this "darker me" is just a way to vent this rage, and I really prefer to skulk here alone than to scream and be rude to people around me, (which puts me some miles away from credit card fraud or bank robbery) ... but it's just boiling up so much that I broke a finger punching a wall.

... either that or I'm just rationalizing, I really cannot tell the difference anymore

[GreyThinker]

If skulking here alone helps to relieve the pressure you feel, by all means come here and vent!! I admire the fact that you have tried to sort out some injustices in the past, even if they did not work out. The attempt was brave and more than most people attempt. Bring your 'dark you' here and exercise it, and it might make looking the other way in real life easier. Sometimes we need to just use whatever tools we can find along the way, and these forums are one of them. At the least most people here are honest enough to tell you if you are being irrational