[awebb198488]

I was diagnosed with depression this past May. I currently take 150 mg of Vennlafaxine daily. The medication helps a great deal. However, I do still have tough days and feelings of sadness. One of my biggest triggers for this is a change in my day to day routine and lack of sleep. I have always struggled with low self esteem. I finally decided to take the first step and made an appointment with a therapist for next Monday. I feel anxious, but I feel like talking with someone will help me come to terms with some of my issues as well as lingering feelings of guilt and sadness over the damage I have done to some of my personal relationships. I don't know why but when the feelings of guilt, worthlessness, sadness, etc take hold my first instinct is to push the people I love the most away. I feel scared and I guess embarassed. Like somehow they won't love me if they know I have these feelings. Though I know they already know. I guess it's a way of lying to myself more than anything else. Throughout this long difficult process I have also created a rift between myself and my dearest friend, which is now only in the beginning of the healing stage. It hurts and I miss her every single day. I knew deep down that she cared about me and that to her no one could replace me, but time and time again I questioned her and our friendship because I was so certain that there was nothing about me that could possibly be lovable and that one day she would realize this and not want to be my friend anymore. I know I hurt her and I regret that so much. Thank you all for listening (reading).

[shortandcute]

we are here for you.