[akekaomen]

Family Medical Leave Act in the US allows an employee to be out of work to take care of medical needs for themselves or family. I have this at my work for my daughter who suffers from a lot of behavior issues. I had to be out yesterday because of my daughter's behavior issues and today, my wife is so sick, I have to take care of my daughter and be available to follow up on things if she has "suicidal" expressions, etc....

I feel guilty about taking FMLA though. I hate this because I have no choice, but to be home. I work so far from my home that I can't just go to work and leave as needed. I take a train that runs once every 2 hours mid-day and takes me 2 hours each way travel time, so if I had to leave for an emergency, it could take me 4 hours to line it up and get home (yes, it's happened).

But why do I feel guilty? I don't know. I just want the guilt to stop and be confident that these things are necessary for now. My hope is I won't need to take this FMLA for much longer because we are getting a new treatment option, but that will not be for a little while. My work has been helpful overall with this, so I think the guilt is my own. I just need to keep myself from expressing my feelings to work. It doesn't serve anyone if I start apologizing all the time. I am doing the best I can given what I have and it's not perfect.

It doesn't help that the doctor my daughter has isn't happy about writing letters for me to get FMLA. That makes me mad, but I have one for this year and when I have to ask again, I'm sure I'll have to go through an obnoxious conversation about why I can't just leave work at a moment's notice to get home and really get stuck taking the entire day off.

I think that it does not help that I am the only one working. My wife can't work and take care of the kids and with my older daughter, things can get out of control quickly. Lastly mental health isn't easy to define to others, so I don't even bother trying to state the exact why I had to take the day. It feels like others would consider it to not be a problem because my daughter can physically do what she needs to. We just need to keep her calm so she doesn't try to hurt herself and we are just trying to get her to go to her therapeutic school.

[Rohag]

I applaud you for what you are going through for the sake of your family. I also realize my applause does nothing for the guilt you feel, a guilt that has a life of its own.

Here's hoping the need for FMLA disappears soon.

[ArthurDent]

Stay strong. At the end of the day, your family's health and well-being is more important than anything else. Remember that.

[geez]

Your family is lucky to have you being so supportive in many ways. I am a Stay At Home Mom dealing with depression and anxiety. Thankfully my husband has an at home office so I am not 'alone' in the house during the day (Most days I'm in a day treatment program so that helps). My husband keeps things together and the house running. I do what I can and feel a lot of guilt for being ill. My husband helps with the kids in the morning, he's taken care of dinner a few times when I can't get off the couch and has gone grocery shopping with me in the evening. It's the simplest of tasks that are really hard for me (I feel stupid for typing that because to look at me I don't have a leg or an arm missing but I may as well for what I'm capable of doing - before my breakdown I was training for a marathon and was taken 6 credits in Health and Exercise Science). Now I can't remember half of anything and find things in the oddest of places/forget where I put things or conversations etc..

Sorry for my rant but what I wanted to say is your family is very lucky to have you. Jobs come and go and they are sounding supportive of your situation. Hoping that your daughter has a speedy recovery.

[Leed]

I also applaud you for what you're doing! Mental illness is just that - an ILLNESS and it's considered that in the Medical books. Anyone who wants to know can go READ. I don't like judgmental people, and if anyone gives you a hard time, just tell them to go read up on it.

As for guilt, I don't know why you have it either, but you need to get RID of it. What you are doing is ADMIRABLE!! How many fathers these days would go to this extreme for their children? I think what you're doing is absolutely wonderful, and you're an exceptionally GREAT father! Since there IS the FMLA, why shouldn't we use it when it is absolutely necessary -- and it IS in your case! And why should you feel guilty for doing so? It makes no sense, my friend. The Act was put in place for situations like yours --- and you are NOT abusing it. You're using it just for the reason it was put in place.

You've "searched your soul" and you KNOW you're not abusing this. You KNOW you're using the FMLA for the reason it was enacted. So there is no logical reason for this guilt. You've heard it from others - now it's time to remove it from yourself. You CAN do this. Put the word guilt on a piece of paper, and go bury it in the back yard. This works for some people -- it might work for you. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee