[telb]

well today is fathers day. i have decided not to call him i ran what i would say and his responses throught my mind and i relly dont wanna make the call.
give me these pain pill;s so i cant feel!
much better thank u bro, i promise not to bother u tomorrow . but u know thats not true....
hey curtise thanx for leaving all your liqur botles outside your door where my po can see them.
thanx for making me feel like %#@&#! when i confronted u about it.
coke dealer is back at our house. i allmost had a heart attack last night. i had to lay there for hours with out moving watching my breathing and my heart rate.
AJ thanx for not helping yourself. you are such a wonderfull person...yeah right.. im so glad your brothers look up to you and give u positive affirmation daily..... yeah rigth. they relly care how u f eel thats why u been waiting 3 mounths to see the doc..... yeah they said they would borrow u the 30$$. i gues drugs and pipes are more important.

I dont cry much. i am overwhelmed. i am hurt. i want to die. but i cant. i am stuck. im most likley goin back to jail. i will not get help there. i will be seeing a doc soon. my mom finaly is goin to try n get the $$
ive thought about it, and it is goin to take so long to get me back on track i dunno if it is possible at this point, i dont even wanna try, i guess ill just sit here in my room.
i cant go through my days sober anymore. who would want to? i see no point.
i see no point in anything. sorry grandpa i am not up to go see you today oh happy fathers day,
i look in the mirror and i am digusted. i avoid the mirrors. i avoid my eyes. those eyes are the keeper of pain. i try to look ,i ask myself wtf are u doin. look at yourself. wtf is wrong with u.
i ask the reflection why he aint my friend anymore?. why have u destroyed me?
he has no answers, i dont want to see him anymore. i wish he would go away for ever.
im sorry mom u have to see this guy. im sorry u cant hide from him like i can.
maybe i shouold hide from you. im sure it would help.
please tell me why i am living this life. is there a point to all this pain. will i ever get better look back and say
this made u a much stronger man. or will i be tainted.
whats the point.
-telb

telb, i am so sorry that you're in such pain today. i wish that i could come up with all of the right words to help you feel better.

do you plan on seeing the doctor soon? perhaps you can talk to him/her about the drinking and see what you can do about that. alcohol is a depressant and it makes us feel worse, not better.

please post and we'll listen to you and try to help. xoxox pat

[(JD)]

(((telb))))

[drunksunflower]

Babe

I know how hard things are for you at the moment (from what you have said) and I also know that you are strong enough to do the thing you said might help, re stayin wit yo grandad.

If there is anything I can do to make it easier pm me.

kia kaha
be strong

xxxx

[telb]

first post dose not have 1/10 how i am feeling latlely
i dont wanna do this anymore guys :/

[drunksunflower]

me either but u gotta keep on n things will get better.