[Hopefull]

My T has been on vacation and I will get to talk to her in a week. I really miss her positive thinking. I have always been a negative thinker. But, I have managed to shift perception and correct for it when I needed it for years. Now, I seem to have lost my positive thinking side. So I use my T as my positive thinking side. I miss her. I love to hear her talk about my helping my great aunt when she had a lot of strokes and the idea of me having some control over my life. I sometimes feel like I have no control over my life. My employer decides what I wear, what I do and when I start. Then, I get interrupted by customers so that I never finish my assignments. My electric went out two times this past week. My landlord hasn't given me a key to the basement where the circuit breakers are. I feel so helpless when I can't get my own power turned back on. I have to call the landlord or get lucky and find someone with a key. My ex-boy friend was homeless for awhile. He is now living with his parents until he can find a place in my city. A lady from my church sounded paranoid when she called me today. I am not sure if it is her problem that she takes haldol for (I'm guessing schizophrenia because she said that she gets paranoid when she gets off the medication and that's one of the disorders haldol is used for) or is she telling the truth. She claimed to have a lot of enemies. She feels unsafe walking over to the jail to visit him. I have walked a similar route and never had a problem. But, I don't have any enemies.
Why have a developed such a need to hear T's positive thinking? Why do I have to work so hard to get positive thinking out of my brain? My manager ordered me to be a positive thinker. I gave myself a headache trying to be a positive thinker at work once. AAAAAAAAAAAAA! I hate my stupid life. My tiny weenie apartment with almost one circuit for everything except the stove and hot water heater. They have their own circuits. My crappy job. I think I have worse insurance. They might make me spend $500 dollars before they even help pay for my strange compulsion to talk to a T. My nearlly absent social life. I don't even know how to socialize. I left a message for my friend asking if we could do something in the next few days. I can't remember if I have ever ask her to do something other than in an e-mail in prep for spring break. I almost never ask someone to hang out with me. It is a strange behavior for me. I suppose that is enough negativity for awhile.

[Lexicon78]

I had a T who was wonderful and helped me to change my negative thinking and helped me to get through everything I was going through. She was a saint. Unfortunately I cannot see her anymore since she is in a different town (I moved away). I just miss her terribly.

(((((((((((hope 4 u)))))))))

[Hopefull]

Sorry to hear that Lexicon. I hope you find another great T.

[Valis]

I can really relate to what your saying hopefull. I often deem myself as the most negative person in the universe (the glass is always half - empty).

Thinking positive may be helpful...but what I find even more helpful is FINDING what is positive out in the world for you and sticking close to it.

I hope you get your power back and I hope your friend will supply the company you need.