[friend1948]

i have a friend of mine that feels really depressed. its been ongoing for months now. they have had several frank conversations with me telling their problems in detail and i try to provide comfort and make myself available to listen whenever she wants to talk. but it seems like it doesn't have an effect. they no longer take enjoyment from activities they once use to. i care a great deal for this person and it pains me to see them so depressed. i often offer them to come along with things i do in an effort to help them get out in the world. some times they come other times they want to be alone.

can anyone offer suggestions to help my friend over come depression?
what else can i do to pull them out of the hole they are in?
i thought about mentioning therapy but i feel this may ruin the friendship and make her reject the world even more.

any advice is appreciated.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Friend1948!

Originally Posted by friend1948

...ongoing for months...it seems like it doesn't have an effect...they no longer take enjoyment from activities they once use to...

Yes, your friend may be suffering from clinical depression. Here's some "official" advice from the National Institute of Mental Health on helping depressed individuals. Your mileage may vary...

Originally Posted by friend1948

what else can i do to pull them out of the hole they are in?

I fear very little. Your availability and willingness to listen is valuable. If your friend begins to fear she cannot live up to a perceived expectation of improvement, she may withdraw further.

Thank you for being a friend.

[shlump]

When I am deeply depressed I recede as completely as I can. I sometimes get "lucky" and get a phone call from a friend during my worst hours.

I do leave it up to chance without even realizing it. I feel that with someone who is depressed you need to actively engage them beyond ressuring them that you will be there for them. Words/ offers like that have very little meaning(sorry, but true.)

Fortunately I seem to have some kind of network to depend on, friends/aquaintences.

If you have the opportunity to call or go to your friend it will go far. I knjow it's not always possible...

Good luck.

[shortandcute]

I think the best thing you can do is to just let her know that you are there for her--which you are already doing. Sounds like you are a good friend.

[friend1948]

Thanks for all your advice thus far. They come to the gym with me sometimes when they feel up to it which I think is good. Getting out of the house and around people is important I think. When they confide in me about problems some times it helps and sometimes I seem to frustrate them and they withdraw. I try to offer solutions or things to improve their mood but often they comment that I don't understand what they are going through. They often say that they have little to nothing in common with most people. Events such as social gatherings seem to bore them as they seem isolated even when in conversation. They often pretend to be interested in social situations because they think that's what's expected of them. Activities that they once enjoyed don't seem to invoke any reaction which I find confusing as I always do my favourite hobbies to cheer my self up.

Thanks again for the advice and keep it coming.

[hiddeng3nius]

You are an amazing person. I wish I had at least one person who would seek that much help for me. The best thing you can do is keep being available for that person. Don't make your friend think that she is an inconvenience. Tell her little things that give her a sense of her worth to you.

[CastlesInTheAir]

you sound like a great friend. I think an important thing to have is patience and no pressure. I had plenty friends that have gotten mad at me for not coming out or talking to them at all even after telling them my issue. The best friends I have ever had are there and one of my most patient friends ALWAYS at least once or twice a week invited me out or shot me a phone call even though ai most likely wont even answer the phone and will end up saying no to the invite. One of the things I hated more than ever when telling someone I was feeling crap is when they would ask "are you taking your medication?" if it actually worked I would understand that question to a degree.....but most of the time medication is merely a stablizer not a miracle "happy" pill like people like to call it......