[survival101]

Sometimes I feel like I’m on lifes' hit list. I hate complaining because it makes me feel pathetic and weak and ungrateful and about 20 other not good emotions. I just don’t feel like this could be right or normal. I just had just gained some control over my depression, but then I had to get an auto immune disease targeting my ligaments. Of course this makes exercise impossible and even walking is painful. My car was stolen so I suddenly have new car instalments and insurance that put a massive strain on my budget. And of course my new car radio stops working every 3 months meaning I have to take it in to have it fixed. Both my sisters have moved overseas so I don’t have their support anymore. They do visit every 2 or 3 years so I can get to know their children and just have more to miss. My job is high pressure and stressful which would have been okay if the people working there didn’t treat you like a useless nobody who has never mattered. I mean I actually think if I disappeared for some reason, they probably wouldn’t notice for a couple of days. There are a few other bigger and smaller issues, but my point is, is this really necessary? Did I accidentally select expert level at the beginning of my life? Or is someone playing the Sims with us and I just drew the short straw? I hate life. I find it absurd that anyone can call life a “gift”. I won’t try to escape it or anything; I just wish it wasn’t so horrible. I see happy people with normal ordinary lives all around me and I can’t help wondering what I did wrong. There must be a reason. If I knew why, maybe it would be easier to overcome.
Okay, so sorry for the rant and rave. Just thought it would be good to get it off my chest. This is the only place where I can say stuff like this. So thank you.

Here’s hoping you all get a break in this battle.

[GreyThinker]

Hmmmmm this may not be the most helpful of comments, but I think you have a right to complain! . That is a lot of stuff for any one person to deal with in their life, and I'm glad you feel able to come here and get it off your chest. I have to say though that I love how you have managed to keep your sense of humour..."Did I accidentally select expert level at the beginning of my life? Or is someone playing the Sims with us...". I kinda wonder that myself sometimes, but I think this is just life. I don't seriously think you did anything wrong. Perhaps there is something to the idea that we pay in this life for past lives, after all.

I also think that even people with normal so-called happy lives probably have turmoil and angst they keep to themselves. Who knows? Maybe your nextdoor neighbour posts here too. Certainly depression is no respecter of persons...rich poor, blah blah.

[Rohag]

I'm with GreyThinker:

Originally Posted by survival101

Did I accidentally select expert level at the beginning of my life? Or is someone playing the Sims with us and I just drew the short straw?

This I will remember. It's humorous and it's worthy of serious thought.

[Leed]

Hi Survival ~ I'm sorry you're having such a struggle. Life CAN be difficult. But there are ways we can make it easier.

Of course there's nothing you can do about the car issue. Some people can be skunks -- stealing cars!! I hope the one they stole blows up on them. As far as your stressful job, can't you find one that is less stressful, and a bit more hospitable? It sounds awful! I sure wouldn't want to work somewhere where people don't give a darn about you. And who needs all that stress? I know there is stress in any job, but some jobs aren't AS stressful as others. Perhaps you could find one that doesn't sap every bit of strength out of you. It's worth looking into, anyway. I certainly would.

Then there's therapy. Have you tried it? I think it would be good to see a therapist and learn how to deal with all this stress -- plus I get a sense that you're dealing with alot of depression too. How about seeing a therapist for that too? He/she can help you learn how to cope with it and give you the tools you need to deal with it. I hope you'll consider it. Many therapists have evening hours too for people who work. Think about it, will you? You won't regret it. It's someone to talk to -- to get stuff out.

I wish you the very best -- please keep us posted on how you're doing. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[Redsoft]

Just from what you've posted, it sounds like you need or want more local, personal support around you. I don't know your circumstances and obligations of course, but would it be an option to be with your sisters for a while, or to start fresh someplace new close to them? I know it may be radical, but it's just a thought. Sometimes something radical is just what we need.

Hope things get off your back, even just a little bit.

[survival101]

Thank you all. I appreciate the support and understanding more than you will know. My one sister is in England and the other in Canada, so a move will be difficult, but I do have good friends that support me the best they can. It's just not always easy for them to understand what depression can be, so I don't lean on them to often or too much. I've lost too many friends by being too honest about how I feel, so I tend too hold back a bit with the ones I have now.

Therapy would be great, but over here it is quite expensive. To give you an idea, if I go to therapy once a week it would cost about a fifth of my monthly salary! But no worries, I take care of me to the best of my ability. And in the meantime I have my dark cynical sense of humor to keep me company.

Honestly, joining this forum is the best thing I have done for myself in a long time. Thank you to all of you.