Hiding away.

Why do I bother?
Nobody cares.
Stupid person going nowhere.
I wish I could just hide away and forget.
Nobody likes me everybody hates me...
Sick of hearing me whine and complain.
can't do anything right.

Hurt hurt HURT
Why won't these voices go away?
I know I'm not bad, I know I'm not worthless...
But they JUST WON'T STOP.

Where's the good part of me?
Why do I feel like I'm drowning?

I quit. I can't be here for anyone. Hiding away and not posting until sometime.
Nobody worry, I'll be fine sometime. Won't do anything stupid, promise.

I just hate myself.

Too hard to talk about it. I'm sorry.

I am sorry sweetie!

You are right, you are not worthless. You have way too much kindness in your heath to be worthless.

I wish I could make your hurt disapear. I really care for you!

I hope you feel better soon. I'm also glad to hear that you're commited to not doing anything stupid. Hang in there.

Thank you both for your nice words and thanks to everyone else who sent me PMs!

I've done some thinking and I can't possibly quit PC that easy (and being here and not posting is absolutely brutal for me) so I'm BACK!

Things aren't any better in my head, but with the amount of support I've had lately from you all and people I know in real life, I can't possibly hide away and sulk.

******hugs******* to you all.

Sorry you are having such a bad time Canders. But do keep on thinking you are not worthless/stupid etc. because you are not! Hope you feel better soon. and try to take it one day at a time...

(((((canders)))))

We all love you!

So sorry you feel this way, and I hope it passes soon.....hugs for you....(((((((((canders))))))))))

Hi Canders,
I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad. I've been there and I understand how it feels. It's like a nasty black fog is suffercating you and hiding all the beauty in you and your life- away from you.
(((Hugs)))
I hope the fog lifts soon.

****hugs****

Thank you everyone for your support. It makes me happy that I found this place... otherwise I'd be suffering in silence and that wouldn't be at all beneficial.

My mood today hasn't been that great, but on the upside I've only felt like quitting school half a dozen times. (I'm studying statistics in psychology for an upcoming exam ... I HATE math, I don't get it at all).

I got a psychoeducational assessment done for learning disabilities and surprise surprise, guess who has one? ME!

Its localized to mathematics (numbers, sequences, formulas) and memory (numerical, logical, working memory and visual).

^ That in itself is enough to make me more miserable than usual. Not it in itself (I knew I was behind in those areas) but the overall effect that it has.

My learning strategist (through my university) told me that without these deficiencies that I could be considered "gifted". That makes me horribly sad, because that would mean I could have been like both of my younger sisters (both gifted, *sighs*)

Try try try ... and fail.

What in the world makes any of this trying stuff worth it? People keep saying that I should be happy with what I'm at right now, and to stop trying so hard. This is from the people who say I'm never going to make anything of myself.

Its so hard to change cognitive distortions when most people just keep compounding all of my internal problems. I already feel worthless, I wish they'd just quit with their negativity. I'm already a pessimist (or a realist, at my best).

Sorry for the ramble. I should be studying, but every time I quiz myself I wind up making stupid mistakes and its killing me. I know I could do well if I could just stop thinking "I'm going to fail". But how do I do that? I basically always do.

Canders, I'm sorry that you're having a hard time. Depression sucks. Totally. And I understand the "whys?". It really gets us down, if we try to figure that out. It's a disease...............and we just have to go with the flow..but i hate it.......xoxoxo pat

Thanks fayerody *hugs*

I wish I had the energy to fight against the current instead of just going with the flow.

*sighs*

(((((((((((((((((( Christina ))))))))))))))))