[LearningMe01]

For so long I've felt like I needed to apologize for my feelings. If I was anxious, depressed...just "down" that day, I always felt like I had to say "Hey (whoever I was talking too...usually my Husband) I'm sorry I've been so down today, I'll feel better soon." And you know what? I am effing over it. Seriously, I've had it. I'm tired of people looking at my issues as some sort of weakness, or like I'm defective in some way. I'm so sick of trying to take care of everyone else, and hold everything together. What if I just can't do it anymore? What If I want to be the one to just "fall apart" even if it's only for a little while, when is someone going to take care of me? I've always felt like being strong and independent meant never having to rely on anyone to care for you...but you know what? I would really effing appreciate someone just caring for me, without expecting anything in return, without throwing it in my face later, without making me feel like I'm some kind of needy, weak excuse for a person. I'm SO un-freakin-believably sick of pretending I'm fine, or feeling guilty for having depression. My life is NOT what I expected it to be, I wasn't designed for the lifestyle I'm leading- yet I'm stuck in it, for the time being anyway. Lately, I've found myself wanting someone to just hold me, tell me I don't have to be strong , even if it's only for a few hours. I just want someone to understand. I want them to know the struggle I go through every day just to make myself appear fine.

That was a great rant. I hope it made you feel better but even more I hope you can live by it.