[hezaa82]

I'm going through a really rough time right now and having a lot of trouble sorting out my feelings.

There have been a lot of stressful events in the last month:
- got transferred to a new kindergarten (I'm a teacher)
- because of said transfer, got separated from my coworker J and went from having him to talk to 3 days a week to never seeing him
- my therapist got cancer and quit

The most depressing thing for me is loneliness, feeling like I'm not connected to anyone, feeling like there's no one who understands or values me. I used to be able to talk to my therapist(about everything) and J(about some things) and they made me feel understood, and valued to an extent. So now that I'm cut off from both of them I'm getting very lonely and depressed.

I have to find a new therapist now. I had a session with a new woman recently but it just made me feel worse. She was very clinical and scientific and left emotions out of it. I'm looking for emotional connections so it made me feel even more isolated. The way she said things made me feel like she was criticizing me "You need to change", "You're depressed." Of course, why do you think I'm coming to you for therapy? I just miss how my last therapist would work with me though positive reinforcement. He tried the tough love thing once early on but he recognized that it's not what I need and said he'd never do that again. "You beat yourself up enough as it is, you don't need someone else doing it." This new lady told me that I'm dismissing the idea that I need to change, but no I just get upset when I feel like people don't recognize I have good intentions or that I'm trying really hard.

She told me that I have depression, possibly major depression, and that treating that needs to be the priority. I'm just confused because my previous two therapists never focused on the depression. They wanted to work on the core issue - my abandonment issues, bad childhood, inner child work, etc. How do I know who to believe?

I don't know why but something about her telling me I have depression is really upsetting me. It's probably just her presentation. She comes across to me as very know-it-all, but I like people who are gentle. And we've only had two sessions, and she talked for 2/3 of each session so I don't feel like she knows me. I guess basically it's just a bad fit. Obviously I'm going to try out some other therapists.

Something about being told "you have to do xyz" really sets me off for some reason. I ran into that with the first therapist I saw. The last one, the one who got cancer, had a way of working with me that allowed me to feel safe and give in. It's such a shame he got sick. Deep down I do want to give in but I feel the need to get defensive. I wonder what it means.

This new woman also told me that I need to start taking anti-depressants. I've never taken them before. I've always been against using meds. I guess I want to treat the core issue not just the symptoms. My last two therapists agreed with me. Again now I don't know what to believe. I think I'm upset at how I feel like this new woman is treating me like a disease first and a person second?

I feel like I'm doing pretty well for myself despite my issues, though that's not to say that I don't have debilitating issues. I'm a kindergarten teacher and some of the new hires this year are really socially awkward and shy, and watching them made me think that I don't give myself enough credit. I can teach and sing and dance in front of the kids and make them laugh, and that's a pretty big accomplishment for someone like me. I do get really depressed about people issues - not feeling important to someone, wanting to be wanted, being alone for long periods of time. Is that enough to warrant needing medication? (obviously I should be asking a doctor not a forum) My last therapist told me crying during a session was good because I was feeling the pain and not avoiding it, this new lady just said it means I'm depressed

I'm just wondering why I'm having such a reaction to her and her diagnosis. If she's upsetting me so much then it's not going to be a good therapeutic relationship, but part of me wonders what if she ends up being right?

sorry for dumping all this here ~_~

[catsrhelm]

Because depression is such a dibilitating illness. I would suggest that you fire that therapist, and look for another. It is really a psychiatrist's, not a therapist's, job to suggest ANY diagnosis.
Also there is situational depression, which is what you have. Situational depression does not need medication, it needs a change in situtation. Chemical depression is different, and needs medication.

[hezaa82]

Thank you, that's very helpful!

[catsrhelm]

No problem. I know a thing or two about depression because I am bi-polar. The situational vs chemical thing was an a-ha moment that I had, so I thought I'd share it. Hugs.

[CharactorAssassin]

Well you could count your blessing. Be glad you have a therapist, a job etc. Just look at what you do have. Count them 1 by 1. You could make a list.