[LucienTheron]

Hi, I am from South Africa, 21 years old and a student. I started feeling depressed around or a little more than a year ago. It all started when I moved to this city. I live in Port Elizabeth, and grew up here, until we moved to a little town 2 hours away when I was 14. After school I took a gap year, as I was unsure what to to study and wanted to see my dad. He went to work over seas in Oman(middle east) when I was 15. It was the best time of my life, really happy, meeting great people, having fun, and meeting great girls The peak of my social life. After that I cam back to PE to study. I am happy with what I am studying now, a bit boring and tedious, but I know it will pay off one day. Then I met some friends here, and just a while after that things just went down hill ALL the time. I stayed with my gran as my parents couldn't afford a apartment for me at that stage. There I was surrounded by people who are constantly depressed, dark, two faced and hard. Also having no goals in life, and happy with what they have, both family and friends. My friends are from childhood, and I love them all, and I dont want to lose them, I felt I should rather bring excitement into their lives, rather than to throw them away. And so for a very long time I tried and resisted to fall into their mind set and become lost. And after a break up with a ex girl, I span out of control, slowly started to give up, without knowing it. Combined with such bad luck in all aspects, school, materialistic stuff, social, health, and so forth. All in a small amount of time. And my mom got diagnosed with cancer a few month ago. Now I find myself always in my room, completely focused on work, as this is all I have that I can control. And not ever leaving, no girlfriend in a year, no desire to have one at all actually, no social life, my family has been really upset with me, as I am angry all the time, never phone and gotten selfish, I know that I have gotten this way, but I cant help myself, and just feeling grey. I feel like its this city (BTW the highest suicide rate in south Africa) and I want to take control. I feel like I was meant to do great things, and find someone special and go to a place where I will be happy all the time, and so I just want to finish my studies, and leave. But what if I cant get back to my old self that I liked, that was caring, loving, and people enjoyed being around. Pls help guys.

[bharani1008]

The people who are around you have a profound affect on your life. If you're forced to be around negative people all the time it's bound to have it's affect. Even if they are your friends you need to lessen the time you spend with them.
You have a huge amount on your plate. No wonder you feel a bit grim. It sounds like you were in a really good place before. That means you can do it again. You're doing the best thing for yourself by focusing on your school. Give it all you've got. It's your ticket to another better place for you. If you have the time look around your school for some clubs and other positive activities. There may even be a support group for people who are dealing with cancer in their family. It must hurt like heck to see your Mom like this. You can be strong for her sometimes but you can take care of yourself also. You can't change the world.
Just look ahead and try to think about where you can go after you finish your schooling. Anywhere you want!
You sound like an intelligent, rational person who understands what is important.
Just please keep on posting here and let us know how you go on.
Good luck

[bharani1008]

Also, if it doesn't get any better please see a Dr. Maybe you need someone to talk to or perhaps some medication. Clinical depression is an actual disease and there are some wonderful medications available. For my they make all the difference.
Let us know