I've been depressed my entire life, at 30 years old, it's starting to hit me hard.

I'm came here hoping that maybe people with similar issues would have some advice.

Who am I? I'm a 30 y/o male, working full time and living independently.

Background:

So as far back as I can remember, I was depressed. When I was 7 or 8 years old, our family had moved across the country (USA) due to my dad needing to find a job. It was terrifying for me trying to meet other 3rd graders. I got to meet some people, but it was pointless. We moved within the city from a rented house to their own house, because of this I had to move to another school in the middle of 4th grade.

Again, I was terrified at this point and was using video games and computer stuff to help keep my mind occupied. This did me no favors for helping me meet new people. Basically I was a skinny dork. However slowly but surely I did meet people and began to socialize. Unfortunately, pretty much everybody I knew in grade school went to a different junior high/middle school at 7th grade.

So once again I was alone. At this a point many kids were socializing with friends they already new, which pretty much kept me as an outcast. It was a struggle for the next several years to meet any friends. Those that I did meet, I wouldn't consider close friends.

Near the beginning of my sophomore year in high school, I saw in the news that the place my dad worked at was closing and that they were laying off people really soon. Not too long after my dad found out his options: lose his job and find another locally, or keep his job but have to transfer out to another place. Obviously my dad chose to transfer out in about a year.

At this point I pretty much gave up at life. For my entire sophomore year I barely spoke or looked at my parents, didn't try to socialize at all in school, and just kept to myself. When I did speak, it was barely a sentence. Eventually the move happened and started my junior year in a new high school at age 16.

Due to me being completely terrified, depressed, and anti social at this point, I was one awkward weird person. No one wanted to associate with me, and I just wanted to go home and dig myself in a hole. This went on for the rest of my high school days.

At age 18/19 I was a very depressed unmotivated person, I dropped out of college and stuck around with my first job in high school. Even at my job (grocery), people would call me out on my quietness and awkwardness. Some people were total jerks and some people were sympathetic. However, at this point I was used to it and didn't think much about it. Eventually I moved out of my parents place and did the status quo of getting a paycheck then going to my new home and play video games.

Fast forward 10 whole years. I still have this problem. I thought I could be contempt with losing my life in a fantasy world. I was wrong. Even to this day, I still have jerks calling me out on being quiet and insulting me and being disrespectful when I try to explain my situation. It's been bugging me more and more and want to do something about it.

I have been hitting the gym and been eating more (5'8" - 111lbs, 1 year ago; now 141 lbs).

So in summary, never had a true friend or a girlfriend. I regret my lack of action of the past, and now I'm trying to make up for it. Unfortunately I dug myself in a deep whole and can't see a way out. It's tearing me up more and more inside. I try to talk to people, but it's awful. What am I suppose to say when people ask, do you have a girlfriend? and when was your last girlfriend? what do you like to do in your sparetime? How am I suppose to join in on a conversation when people talk about partying or doing things with their friends?

It's like there's no hope for me and wondering what I can do? While I'm not against therapy, I really don't like the idea of 1 on 1 therapy. Finding group therapy and talking to people with similar issues I would much prefer. However I can't seem to find anything in particular for myself in southwest AZ. Just a bunch of stuff for people with Bipolar, or women issues, alcoholics, and so forth.

I'd really don't want to go the route of medicine as that would treat the symptoms, not solve the problem. What am I to do? I am lost.

Well, you seem to be closing yourself off to all options. Usually you don't go to "group therapy" only. It starts with one on one therapy, with group perhaps once or twice a week.

I really have to suggest going into therapy. Believe me, it isn't as bad as you may think. Most people are pretty nervous about therapy, but once you get in there and start talking, it's fine! The therapist helps to get you started too. But you have to have an open mind, and be determined to be honest. Otherwise it won't work. You've got to want to get well! Therapy DOES work, if you let it.

Talk to your doctor, and he can refer you to a good therapist -- he'll know who to send you to. If you really don't want therapy, the only other option is just medication -- and like you said, it just treats the symptoms. But if you already know what causes the depression, then ???

I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

One place to meet people with similar interests is at www.meetup.com. It's not a dating site, though it does list singles groups. It's a website where you can search for groups in your area. There is every group you can think of: sci-fi trivia, biking, hiking, dogs, salsa dancing, movies, you name it. You don't have to pay to join meetup.com or any of the groups. I know it's hard to go to a social outing with people you've never met before, but my experience has been that people are quite nice and probably feel a bit awkward themselves. Who knows, you might even have fun!

Hey, I also suggest you try therapy, because as you said you can't seem to find a group. Have you ever seen a doctor about feeling depressed? Also, is there anyone you know that also works out at the gym? Maybe there are people at work that also workout, you could try talking about that to them?

i also suggest therapy. its not as bad as u think. its helped me and alot of other people with the same problem u have. its just a suggestion. u dont have to if u really dont want to. ill be ur friend! message me anytime.

Therapy and group therapy habe both helped me a lot.

I know how you feel. I'm 35 years old, no close friends, and I haven't had a boyfriend since I was 21 years old. I think at our age it's difficult to make friends especially if you're like me and have social anxiety. I personally think the best way to meet people is to find a hobby you like and do that (a meetup group is a good way to do this). You'll meet like minded people with the same interest as you, so you'll have that in common to conversate about. Another option, which I'm considering to do, is volunteering. I've read that volunteering significantly reduces depression because you get this high from helping others. At the same time, you'll meet other people and probably make friends (and it won't feel as forced as a meet up group)

Hi Quiet&Awkward,

I know how you feel. I'm 35 years old, no close friends, the only family I have are my mother and father, and I haven't been in a relationship since I was 21 years old. I have many good day when I feel happy and grateful for what I have, but I also have many bad days when I feel really sad and lonely too. I think making new and close friendships is difficult at our age. But probably the best way to go about it is to find a hobby you like and do that (joining a meetup group is a great way to do that). You'll meet people with the same interest as you and that will give you a lot to talk about. Another option, which I'm considering to do, is volunteering. I've read that volunteering does wonders to decrease depression because you end up getting a "feel good" feeling from helping others. I really think the key to happiness is to do things for others. Not only will it make you feel better, but you will most likely meet new people and make friends (and it won't feel as forced as a meetup group). Hope this helps and that you're doing well. Good luck.

You are a male, working independently. Is there a volunteer positon near you that may help? Mentor, boys club, something that gives you a sense of responsibility for another person.
IMHO sometimes groups alienate people because they all seem to know each other. Soup kitchens and the Salvation Army are only too thankful for what ever they can get. Especially this time of year.

This is actually GREAT idea! I also recommend it. Soup ketches, anything helping the poor and needy. Not only will this boost your confidence but you'll also feel like you make a difference and guess what? Make a few friends on the way too!