Why the hell not?

Not sure if this is the right venue for this and I'm probably going to rant on for a while. Just figured I would give a heads up before you got sucked into reading this.

About me: I'm 31 years old, Im good looking, smart and have the prettiest 16 month old daughter on the planet. Aside from all of that I hate my life and I feel like I have no purpose.

Let me attempt to elaborate. I have self esteem in the social sense. I can talk my way around pretty much anyone. I have a very high iq (not bragging, just find this to be a possible contributing factor to my state of mind). However, I'm bored with life. I'm underemployed and have no passion in my life. I take full responsibility for my situation and dont blame anyone else. I've never obtained a job that I enjoyed or was proud off. I've never been able to use my brain at work. I can solve complex math and logic problems (I have taught standardized tests in the past, but found no satisfaction there either) instantly, but I spend my days taking care of mentally handicapped individuals at a state run facility (need the cheap insurance).

My parents are ok financially and I live with them again after 10 years on my own. I have been a complete failure at intimate relationships, although since I've had my daughter I'm not too concerned about woman and the added stress and irrationality they generally bring.

I guess my problem is that i have felt useless for so long that I have just totally given up. I like to spend my days/nights getting wasted. I'll drink and smoke weed until I'm dizzy. I do take a week off here and there to make sure I don't have physical dependencies, but my preference is to not be sober. My brain haunts me when I am sober. I just don't care too much anymore, I'm not suicidal and most people think I'm the life off the party and care free. I'm not. I've just totally given up. I heard all the stories about Bill Gates, Micheal Jordan and Eieinstein all failing, blah blah. I'm not one of those guys. I'm probably just an unremarkable underachiever, that will be forgotten. I've made efforts to start companies, invest and job hunt. Nothing works out. Now I can't even try. I used to be in great shape, now i could care less about excersizing. I don't care if I have a "hot body". I'm just finding life to be a waste of time and without any reward. I have more than I deserve and I am a huge waste of talent and opportunity. I just can't even begin to get the motivation to make another attempt. And I know about successful people and their determination. I don't think i have that, because if I did I wouldn't be here crying like a wuss.

I don't know what I'm trying to say or what I want in terms of s response, but I guess I just find life to be a waste of time and most people are fooling themselves into believing that they hold some significance. I'm just under the assumption that i will slip through the cracks, live my life as a drunk and die a unremarkable death. I won't ever be broke or homeless, but ill most certainly be a dissapointment and a waste of talent.

I guess I've just accepted my fate. I'm not looking for sympathy, I despise that. I just needed to vent without worrying my family that I was going to blow my brains out. I won't.

Who knows what I just typed. Sorry if I sounded like a wimpy douche bag.

I take it that you aren't seeing anyone to get help yet. Do that. I'm no Dr. but your symptoms sound like depression to me. I've experienced many of the same feelings myself and it turns out that they were a combination of genetics and bad experiences. I found an excellent psychiatrist and obtained effective medication. I've never seen a therapist but I would if I could( not available here).
Obviously you aren't useless. You are father to a very young baby. You help mentally handicapped people. These are not small things.
What are you expecting from yourself? What do you want? First you have to find out the answer to these questions. You can't make a change until you know where you want to go.
Please see a Dr., I really think you can get some relief.

Welcome, Jfkblownaway.
And you have the kind of brain that can haunt with power.

Here's a good place to "rant." Feel free to continue. Consider reviewing what you've written from time to time; it may be insightful.

Let's see now, you're very intelligent, 31, still live at home with mom and dad, have a beautiful little daughter, and think women bring too much irrationality and stress. Well, sir, you need help, without question.

Your world sounds a little like the life of a young child who had everything handed to it that life had to offer and found everything after that boring and inadequate.

You really need to get help if for no other reason than for the parenting you must do for your little daughter. She needs you, but she needs you healthy and able to give her the love and healthy attention that she deserves. Please see a psychiatrist and work through the issues of your childhood that have left you stranded without the tools to know how to deal with mature life effectively.

You may even decide one day that the right lady who is bright and healthy might not be the irrational stress-creating concept you have of women. Many of them are true nurturers in the home. You will need to be the masculine nurturer, as well, and the sooner you get the tools to use to become mature, your little daughter is going to literally take off with a wonderful personality and sense of security.

Good wishes.

Thanks for the responses.

Genetic you're pretty spot on with your observation. I was adopted. My parents couldnt have children, so I think they were a little too eager and gave me too much.

I guess the most difficult part is breaking the cycle. Everyday I think that I want to change, but I dont make any major steps or do anything different at all really. I work a minimum of 48 hours a week over 6 days. Mostly second shift, so when I get out the only thing open are bars. I don't like to go back to my parents house and my childs mother and I are not very good together, which adds extra stress. I feel like I have no time or source of happiness (with the exception of my daughter, but the baggage her mother brings negates a lot of it). I understand a healthier lifestyle and focusing on self improvement would bring me long term happiness and self satisfaction, but I don't know how to climb out of my giant hole. I can never make a step forward without retracing it shortly after.

Thanks again for reading this and your feedback. I appreciate your time and thoughts.