[Lou8282]

10 months ago, my partner was hit while walking home from a night out. I had told him I would pick him up and not to walk anywhere, but he decided that seeing as though it was a 10 minute walk, he'd be fine.

He called me right after he regained consciousness, upset and very hard to understand - all I could make out was 'I've been hit'. I raced out of the house so fast, looking out by the side of the road as I drove around trying to find him. The sight of seeing him, swaggering by the side of the road, with his face completely covered in blood, is etched in my memory forever. I was hysterical when I saw him, I remember pulling up his shirt to see if he'd been stabbed - there was just so much blood. I took him to the hospital where he was placed under observation for 4 hours. He was okay. He doesn't remember the attack, but I remember everything else about that night.

Ever since, I've been very wary of people. I'm suspicious of everyone - I wonder if they did it. I worry that going out at night will end up with the same outcome. I am hyper aware of what's going on around me. Just the other day, I had to go somewhere different than usual to pay my bills, and these two guys walked in and my mind was going crazy, like 'oh my god, they're going to hold the place up. They're going to shoot me because I looked at them. This is fate, isn't it? The other place was closed and now these guys are going to kill me'. Awful thoughts.

I feel like this every day, but it's getting worse. At night when I'm driving, I still see my partner standing by the side of the road, I see his blood saturated face in front of mine. I'm becoming more and more reclusive, and I can't remember what it feels like to look forward to doing things. I'm to the point where even going to work puts me on the verge of a panic attack. I replay the assault I never even witnessed, over and over.

I used to be able to switch off negative thoughts, but I feel like lately I'm totally losing control of my mind. I think about death all the time, I am so worried about it happening to me or those I love. I always feel a sense of dread, of doom, and it's awful. I don't understand why time is not healing the memories, it's just making me worse- more paranoid and more afraid, more irrational thoughts.

What is happening to me? Why is this happening?

[bharani1008]

I'm no Dr. but it sounds like post traumatic stress syndrome. People who have been through really bad experiences like the one you describe have it.
I think a psychologist or psychiatrist can help you. There are support groups for this problem. There should be some phone numbers you can call for more information.
Try to talk to someone. Many people with this syndrome have been helped .
There's a forum for it also. There will be a lot if information for you.
I hope you will feel better soon. Do something for yourself quickly. You need help.

[Pierro]

Lou, No wonder you feel the way you do. You poor thing. I agree with Bharani that you are suffering from post traumatic stress. You need to talk about this to somebody a doctor or therapist because it is affecting your every day life and may continue to do so until you get help. Also your anxiety is through the roof, wondering about different senarios in your mind. Please talk to a professional about this. I hope you get help soon. Take care.