[fat_cole]

Before my major depression set in, I was the ultra overachiever type. I always made plans years in advance and followed through with them in short order fashion, my guide through life. Just as I was taught in goal planning early in life: make long term goals, make short term goals that help achieve your long term goals, and then make near term goals that help you achieve your short term goals. I followed through with this mantra and it got me pretty damn far in life. Then major depression, I still do this kind of planning in my head incessantly, but I am unable to achieve my near term goals in life anymore and it's driving me insane, it also fuels my depression even more so.

I go through ECT, continue to take my meds, and I'm fine for a while, but the time period of wellness is unpredictable. It may last for three months, or like now, it's lasted less than a month. Though the length of the wellness period varies, the behavior as I slip back into depression does not. First, my sleep cycle begins to be interrupted and I begin to shift from being awake during the day to being awake at night. In the past I have tried different sleeping medications to try and get myself back into a regular sleep pattern, but none of them have worked. The next phase involves closing myself off from people around me. I get to a certain point where I won't even leave the house except in the very late hours to go to the 24 hour store to get food to quell my, now intense, anxiety. Then I stop bathing, or even feel the need to bathe or wear clean clothes. My thought processes slow down dramatically and I can't put together complete thoughts. Then I won't be able to get out of bed, or even feel the need to get out of bed. The house could be on fire, or there could be a machete wielding home invasion scenario, I wouldn't be able to put together the strength and energy to get out of bed. Eventually, I get to a point where I will actually stop breathing in my sleep. It feels like too much work, so I simply quit doing it. None of this is an active thought process, it feels like it all happens subconsciously and I have no power over it at all.

I'm hoping to be able to get into the local clinic here, they have a new TMS machine. I have heard that some people go into complete remission of their depression after the treatment period with the occasional maintenance treatments. It sounds a lot better than ECT, you don't have to be put under and be out of commission for an entire day with a few days afterwords of trying to gather yourself back together. It would also be nice to not rip out my IV when I have an adverse reaction while under anesthesia immediately following my ECT session.

So what is your depression like? Have you tried TMS?

[optimize990h]

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[pollywog334]

Originally Posted by fat_cole

Before my major depression set in, I was the ultra overachiever type. I always made plans years in advance and followed through with them in short order fashion, my guide through life. Just as I was taught in goal planning early in life: make long term goals, make short term goals that help achieve your long term goals, and then make near term goals that help you achieve your short term goals. I followed through with this mantra and it got me pretty damn far in life. Then major depression, I still do this kind of planning in my head incessantly, but I am unable to achieve my near term goals in life anymore and it's driving me insane, it also fuels my depression even more so.

I go through ECT, continue to take my meds, and I'm fine for a while, but the time period of wellness is unpredictable. It may last for three months, or like now, it's lasted less than a month. Though the length of the wellness period varies, the behavior as I slip back into depression does not. First, my sleep cycle begins to be interrupted and I begin to shift from being awake during the day to being awake at night. In the past I have tried different sleeping medications to try and get myself back into a regular sleep pattern, but none of them have worked. The next phase involves closing myself off from people around me. I get to a certain point where I won't even leave the house except in the very late hours to go to the 24 hour store to get food to quell my, now intense, anxiety. Then I stop bathing, or even feel the need to bathe or wear clean clothes. My thought processes slow down dramatically and I can't put together complete thoughts. Then I won't be able to get out of bed, or even feel the need to get out of bed. The house could be on fire, or there could be a machete wielding home invasion scenario, I wouldn't be able to put together the strength and energy to get out of bed. Eventually, I get to a point where I will actually stop breathing in my sleep. It feels like too much work, so I simply quit doing it. None of this is an active thought process, it feels like it all happens subconsciously and I have no power over it at all.

I'm hoping to be able to get into the local clinic here, they have a new TMS machine. I have heard that some people go into complete remission of their depression after the treatment period with the occasional maintenance treatments. It sounds a lot better than ECT, you don't have to be put under and be out of commission for an entire day with a few days afterwords of trying to gather yourself back together. It would also be nice to not rip out my IV when I have an adverse reaction while under anesthesia immediately following my ECT session.

So what is your depression like? Have you tried TMS?

Hey fat_cole,

what led you to be diagnosed with treatment resistant major depression instead of just depression?

pollywog334