[Poppy Princess]

I always feel a little happier when I think of dying. It will make me smile sometimes. I imagine my death and my soul seems to lift. I often draw pictures of me dying. It's becoming a disturbing habit.

[ThisWayOut]

I imagine my death a lot (plot it even). Lately I've taken to contemplating ECT in hopes that it fries my brain so bad there is no coming back... I know it wouldn't, but the fantasy is there... ((hugs)) sorry you are having such a rough time now too,

[Frank100]

Me too it makes me smile knowing one day all this will end. Sometimes I wish I would go to sleep and not wake up but with my luck my death will probably long slow and painful

[AbcXyzMan]

I hope I know it's coming. Even if only for an instant. The pain is temporary. Death is forever. I'd like to know what my last thoughts would be if I know it's coming.

Dying in my sleep makes me scared.

I'd like to drag this miserable life out as long as it can.

There are nights when just getting to sleep that I think about floating up because I had passed away. It's like I'm just above my place, and then go further up to see the whole city, and then the whole earth. Like floating up in a balloon. Though I can't picture where I'd end up after that. That part is hard to put into my mind. It's a nice peaceful feeling.

I wonder what would it be like if I were to pass away in the middle of the night. Would I wake up and then gasp for my life? Would I really know that I had died when I was fully asleep?

Just like what Frank had said, with my luck I'll probably just get laid up in a dreary hospital in pain and torture for a good while before I'd go. I certainly hope not!

That is about the only thing that calms me. Whether naturally or by ...other causes... it is the one guaranteed way out of this dark hole I live in.

[vintyg]

So , I am not alone . When distress reaches such a level that my mind can't take it anymore , it start getting numb . I feel like sinking and thought to not being here tomorrow gives me some peace .

[ajmich]

This is an interesting but scary thread. Wanting to die only comes when the vice seems to squeeze my brain so hard that the pain will not let up, but those times have been coming too often lately. There is no joy or sense of relief in wanting to die or imagining my death, mostly because I live with a family member who would find me and I cannot, will not, cause that trauma for a loved one. It is not much but has kept me alive so far.

[f.reliant]

Real bumper sticker..." I was dead once. I didn't like it." ArmyGirl, I was dead once. I didn't like it. I won't go into the details. It was very traumatic. There are more consequences to suicide (botched or successful) than one can ever imagine.

I still have suicide ideation, but I don't indulge myself. I work hard moving away from those thoughts. I am now of the opinion that people really don't want to die, they just want their seemingly unrelenting pain to end.

I may not be happy. My life is not fun. But, my being here has made a difference in ways I could not predict. And so, here's to carrying on...counting my blessings and not my fears...treasuring those few moments in time that life does not feel like a burden.

Right now, there is a gentle breeze coming in through an open window. It "feels" good. Look to the small things for comfort. They will not disappoint.

[Fuzzybear]

... Sorry you're having a hard time too ...

[Poppy Princess]

Some days I don't want to die. Those are all too few now. They're like past memories. I feel like I've already died. I used to live a happy life. Now I've died and gone to hell.

Originally Posted by ArmyGirl

Some days I don't want to die. Those are all too few now. They're like past memories. I feel like I've already died. I used to live a happy life. Now I've died and gone to hell.

I think that it's the anxiety in me (especially the health anxiety dreads) that makes me feel like wanting to die. I don't feel like I want to die for a lot of days but I wish I could have my old self back. There was a time, and for a good long time, that I didn't have health anxiety. I felt like I had nothing to worry about. There were some times when I did, but not nearly as much and as intense as now for me.

[jadedbutterfly]

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

Some days I don't want to die. Those are all too few now. They're like past memories. I feel like I've already died. I used to live a happy life. Now I've died and gone to hell.

I can relate to this. There was a short while during my early 20's that I was really happy. But then I made it go away, I couldn't handle happy.
I find myself wishing for death... not actively trying ... just that I will have an end to this life... and move onto the next, hopefully without pscyh issues. maybe comeback as a raven or hawk and just soar above this human existence.

[Poppy Princess]

Out of where?

[James_from_Idaho]

I have a story for you guys.. I met a friend who had a hard life.. She spent every day wishing she could die.. Than she got terminal cancer.. And now all she wants is to live.. It is sad.. I have wanted to die most my life to.. Of course nobody wants to die a horrible death.. I think like reliant said.. We just want to escape the pain.. I also have some fear of death.. Fear of the unknown..

[Poppy Princess]

Yes, what people really want is an escape death is an escape from pain. Death is a permanent one. People seem to be happy with death when it's in their hands. When you really can't escape death, you get scared.

[phaset]

Hey Poppy Princess, how have things been going for you the last few days?

[Poppy Princess]

I've been going down the rabbit hole.