[marlyn]

yeterday, i take my day off
Something that i never do except ny family need me..

I using that time for 'me' time..
I buy new shoes, new clothes, new bag, new cosmetics..
Everything i want to i buy it without thinking..
Thanks because i have enough salary for that..

But im still empty inside..

I have a plan for my weekend..
Something like charity event..
We held it every week
I meet so much people there
But im still feel empty inside

Today, nothing i do in my office except take care of some paper
Not more than 10, which i usually do 100 every day
Im using make up, my best clothes, bag and shoes..
Everyone say im so beautiful..
But still, i feel empty inside..

I wanna meet my psych, but i can reach him by tomorrow afternoon
Actually, i can call him
Because he is my parents partner which my parents never know that im suffering from deppression..
But i wont do that..

Instead, i call my friend..
A doctor, which is live in another island
I told him i start thinking to hurting myself which i actually do

He is panic, he wants to call a cops or my parents
But i believe he wont do that
He respect my decision to hiding my condition, either my psych do..

I dont know..
Tonight i decide to stay in my apartment,
Not my parents house..
Im lazy to hear them fight all the day..
But i dont wanna go to my office tomorrow..

I know, there are so many program which i should have finished before saturday
I have to presenting that in front of my director on monday
But i cant do that..
What should i do?

[Leed]

You really need to talk to your psych very soon! You cannot keep hurting yourself! It's obvious that you're having a crisis here, and that your depression is very severe - and you need some help! You must get it now!

So call your psych and get help now, okay? Don't keep waiting! Don't keep hurting yourself. Make the call TODAY!

God bless you and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[marlyn]

Its midnight here, i dont want to bothering him..

But thanks for your advice, i dont think ill die before tomorrow evening

[Yoda]

I hope you feel better soon

[marlyn]

Originally Posted by Yoda

I hope you feel better soon

Thank you..

Today, Ill try to finish my program..
Whatever my mind told me about hurting my self
Ill stay to do my job

[marlyn]

Finally, i meet my psych..
He give me depakote for mood stabilizer..
I havent buy that meds yet

On the other side,
My friend whuch is psycholog stay in my place like night..
She told me to keep myself aware
I have a gene about being schizofrenia, but the good thing is i aware about that so i came to psych before its too late..

I dont know,
Whar should i do with this prescription..
Maybe anyone have another idea?

I would go ahead and purchase the prescription. Depakote was a very helpful medication
for mood stabilizing for me, and I recommend it with only one reservation: it can make
your hair fall out, but you can stop it if that begins to occur. Otherwise, there were
virtually no side effects for me.

More importantly, however, Marlyn, you are trying to fill that empty space inside yourself with things that cannot ever fill you. It is your soul that needs attention and love. If you have any background in spiritual matters, I'd get back in touch with those because they are the surest and best way to fill that void within for genuine relief and peace within.

Take care of yourself.

P. S. You don't have to worry about schizophrenia if your psychiatrist has prescribed Depakote for you; so that's one worry you might forget about.

[marlyn]

Originally Posted by genetic

I would go ahead and purchase the prescription. Depakote was a very helpful medication
for mood stabilizing for me, and I recommend it with only one reservation: it can make
your hair fall out, but you can stop it if that begins to occur. Otherwise, there were
virtually no side effects for me.

More importantly, however, Marlyn, you are trying to fill that empty space inside yourself with things that cannot ever fill you. It is your soul that needs attention and love. If you have any background in spiritual matters, I'd get back in touch with those because they are the surest and best way to fill that void within for genuine relief and peace within.

Take care of yourself.

P. S. You don't have to worry about schizophrenia if your psychiatrist has prescribed Depakote for you; so that's one worry you might forget about.

May im not psycho, but i could be bipolar..
My psych ever telling me about hypomaniac episodes that i ever had..
I dont know which one is worse, schizo or bipolar?

Im a moslem, but i dont know..
I believe in God, but i never fibd the right way to comfort me..

Its may because my patrents which is moslem but he never act like a moslem..
So even i trust in God but i never find a peace

Yup, im lonely and never have a love
I dont know what is love?
I cant feel it..

I never have a boyfriend, and from my family.. Ive just learn about hatred and hurting..
So, what should i do now?

[marlyn]

Today,
I take another day off which is make my palliative doctor feel relieve
She thinks I'm too hard to my self like my psych.

But today I'm not going anywhere
I stay in my bed, trying to enjoy some movie

Yesterday its my bday
And same like last year, just some people remember
I don't really care actually
But my parents prepare dinner altogether with all of family member which is awkward because I haven't talk to my 3rd older sister since last month.
That's party ending badly because the waitress where we having that very lae dinner (we never leave our job, so we held that party after midnight) doing something stupid so my father so angry and call the manager/owner.

Huft..
I don't know
I still fell empty inside..