[FullofITRedhead]

Today is the lowest and worst I have ever felt in my life, I have had non stop thoughts of suicide - I will not go through with it as I don't want to hurt those that love me, but I couldn't cope on my own all day yesterday I was in bed crying and feeling at my almost lowest (that came today). I texted both my sister and a friend and told them of my mood and tried to open up a little about my thoughts, all I got in response was come out, it's a beautiful day. I couldn't leave the house was scared I would just walk in front of traffic or something. I told myself just get through today and sleep hopefully tomorrow (now today) things would be better.

I woke in even more of a funk than ever, I completely lost it I didn't know how to process the thoughts and feelings in my head and lost control for a minute, punched a whole in a wall, threw a chair through a window and smashed my bathroom door to pieces, then I got serious about the suicide, I texted my sister for help, her reply was Come over, I responded with you don't get it I'm ready to die I'm going to kill myself. She and my mother have rushed over to rescue me despite me knowing I wouldn't I was just sitting in the shower crying. They have taken me back to my parents house but on the drive did not say two words to me now I am here I couldn't feel any more alone they are not talking to me and not even trying to find out what is wrong with me, what does it take to get people to care?

This might sound like I am being selfish but if it was the other way round I would be doing everything I could to help them. My sister is a band six nurse, we might all be in the same house but like I say I couldn't feel more alone, I feel angry embarrassed and scared and feel like their concern is only plastic despite knowing in my heart it is not, I don't know what to do.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, FullofITRedhead. How are you feeling today? Are you in the optimum location for your stability?

Originally Posted by FullofITRedhead

My sister is a band six nurse...

Hmmm... Is it possible that as a nurse who is more involved in the management of healthcare she is less "hands on"? Just speculating.

Please keep posting.

[FullofITRedhead]

I'm at work, barely coping had a breakdown in the toilet and then another during lunch but just trying to grin and bare it

See a psychiatrist, please, Full of ItRedhead. You have symptoms of depression which
can be helped so much by a specialist. Please go in to see one and find out what the
real problem is that is causing these feelings and be medicated for it, along with getting
some psychiatric counseling.

I would think you'll be fine with the right help.

Take care of yourself.

[FullofITRedhead]

Booked to see my GP hopefully I'll get a referral to a psychiatrist, hopefully that will be covered by my employers private medical scheme, please know I will never actually act on my suicidal thoughts as I do not want to hurt anyone that I leave behind, I just want the thoughts to stop. Thanks you for your concern