[Laura_859]

hey everyone...im Laura and my boyfriend recently broke up with me, he had told me that hes not ready for a realationship and that hes confused an lost and that hes always messing up things and that he needs to get himself together. i dont understand why he had to break up with me though. i love him alot and want him back in my life and i really dont know how to help him. if anyone has any tips and advice on how i should do so, please let me know. thank you for your time to read this.

Hi Laura and Welcome.

Sometimes working on themselves it causes problems with the significant other. for example sometimes the person with the problem needs time alone when the isgnificant other comes home and very much needing together time from a rough day. So then the two are conficting and possibly one person feeling like they have to put the other persons needs first instead of their own.

Normally being in a relationship its a two way street where both perons are talking and each doing things because they really want to. But add to that where one person has a problem and he or she knows its something with in themselves and that there is nothing the significant other can do. so instead of talking about it with significant other it gets bottled up and pushed aside while trying to keep a stiff upper lip and not let on anything within their self is wrong. The person stuffing their feelings ends up getting worse because they are in a relationship instead of better because stuffing feelings is not good for anyone.

If he was to stay and he kept stuffing his feelings and so on trying to stay on track for your sake instead of letting go and taking care of himself and whatever is the problem, you would eventually feel that something is wrong and maybe take it personally as in you doing something wrong and he would keep stuffing until he goes off the deep end.

If this was me I would tell him how much I love the fact that he was honest in saying something is wrong with him and he needs his space to take care of it, then I would give him the space he needs. Just like if I told a significant other that something inside me was wrong and I needed space I would expect them to honor that.

If the two of you were menat to be together he will be back.

Hang in there and again welcome to psych central.

[Christina86]

((((((((Laura))))))))

I wish I knew what advice to give, but I really don't -- myself gave some very good advice though!

Welcome to PC - keep posting and people will try to help (and support you) whenever they can.

Take care.

[heartspace]

Excellent advice from myself.

you want to be there for him: that in itself is a help to him, I'm sure. Sometimes it's healthy to work on one's recovery alone so I applaud his courage. Give him the space he needs, but let him know youu're there for him if/when he needs you. He'll be back.