[Cheshire Grin]

I have a lot of health problems including chronic depression that has prevented me from being an independent, functional person.

Mostly, I live with my parents even though I am nearly 40.

I have had a lot of breathing problems all my life and could not get any help from local doctors.

I relocated myself to a much more urban area that happens to have a medical school where I was able to get help with my breathing problems. I thought I would only be away for, at most, 6 weeks. It took me almost 9 months to get the medical help I needed.

I was also considering trying to return to school myself and establish a more independent life in the urban setting. I found life there so much more difficult than I anticipated it would be and could not wait to return home to be with my parents.

I know that I am fortunate that I have family that will give me shelter and help me find medications and therapy, but our family is extremely dysfunctional at the same time.

Our little dog was diagnosed with early-stage heart failure, but with medication and a healthy diet, which we have always provided, she should have a very good quality of life for many more years.

When we were in the vet's office, my mother was overwhelmed by the information from the doctor, who has a tendency to be over-technical and hysterical. She turned to the doctor and said, "if my daughter is gone again for a long period of time, I am going to have you put this dog to sleep."

It felt like she was threatening to kill my beloved dog if I did not do what she wanted: stay at home and take care of her and my dad.

Does anybody else with depression suffer from negative influences like this? I feel so trapped and sad.

[ThisWayOut]

ouch! that would devastate me. I'm sorry you are being threatened by that. could it have just been her feeling overwhelmed with everything and being unwilling/unable to do what is needed to keep your dog healthier?
I had a similar experience when I first went away to school. I had adopted a dog during high school who had some issues. I was able to deal with them, but when I went away to school, she was left with my mom. One day, my mom became fed up and kicked the dog out of the house without a collar on and refused to let her back inside I'm hoping animal control picked her up and she was able to find another home. My mom did not tell me about it until weeks later, because she wanted to make sure the dog was gone... She now denies ever doing it.
If you want to try striking out on your own again, could you take your dog with you? Or have a conversation with your parents about how manipulative that sounds/feels/is? Maybe pull then into a therapy appointment to address the topic (if you go to therapy)? ((hugs)) I'm sorry you are so trapped by everything.

[gayleggg]

I'm soRry your mom was so unfeeling. I left my dog once with my dad for only a few hours to go visit a friend and he called me and told me to get home if I wanted to keep my dog. He was mad at me for leaving and when I immediately returned found he had her in his lap gripping her by the scruff. Don't know how hw even got her in his lap because she didn't like him but he managed. Needless to say I never took her back. Don't know what your moms motive was but it was a mean thing to say.

Mdngtrain, sorry that happened to you. I adopted a little dog that was 10 at the time because a mom did the same thing, except she took him to the shelter. I still have him and he is 13 now.
Gayle

[Cheshire Grin]

Thank you MdngtRain and gayleggg for your comments. I think my mother is often overwhelmed. She survived a lot of severe abuse and neglect in her childhood which means she thinks it's okay to be cruel to me because I did not have to "suffer" like she did.

I told my sister who lives a thousand miles away what our mother said and she was very angry about it. She said if our mother did put my dog to sleep that we should completely cut her off. She also said that she doesn't think our mother would actually put the dog to sleep, but that she was trying to assert control over me when she felt she was losing control because of the overwhelming information we were receiving.

I often feel like my mother is always trying to sabotage what small scraps of peace I manage to conjure for myself.

[ThisWayOut]

That sucks that she tries to sabotage you like that. ((hugs)) hopefully you can figure things out... I'm glad your sister is supportive of you.

[doyoutrustme]

Can the dog come with you if you need to leave?

Even if not, she might change her mind when she sees it isn't the end of the world. Don't let your dysfunctional family hold you hostage.

...

I deeply empathize with you.

My mother destroyed many of my beloved pets just to use their memory to further torment me while she physically and emotionally abused me.

I still grieve deeply over this.

[Cheshire Grin]

Thank you MdngtRain. I am very fortunate that I have a sister who takes time from her busy life to help me. She is on vacation with her husband, but still managed to find the energy/time to talk with me for a few minutes.

[Cheshire Grin]

Thank you for your thoughts, doyoutrustme.

I am not planning on leaving for a few months. I am scheduled for a checkup with the specialist who is helping me with my breathing problems. I also was able to find a dentist in the same urban area who is helping me work on my teeth. So I have to go back, leave home, for a while in late October. I cannot take my beloved dog with me. The place where I stay when I am gone does not allow pets.

My sister said not to make any decisions based on anything our mother says. It's hard to remember this when she makes so many sick, perverse comments.

[Cheshire Grin]

And Pfrog, thank you for being brave enough to share your experiences with your mother.

I don't think my mother would kill my dog, but the fact that she says she will is very disturbing to me.

Both of my parents are also physically and emotionally abusive, but I don't feel like I have a lot of options or opportunities to better my situation. I thought that getting help with my breathing problems would help me become more independent, but, if anything, I have found that I have to do even more things now to take care of myself. I have several treatments to apply to myself plus medication and I have to be careful about avoiding allergens and breathe more purified air. I am so high-maintenance that I am more hopeless about finding more independence. When I do follow the doctor's advice, I do find it much easier to breathe.

Everyday I consider relocating to a homeless shelter because I have nothing left to lose. Then I think of all the medicines and treatments I need on a daily basis and decide against it.