[Answers48]

I called my brother today. My brother and I are pretty close, actually, but when I told him that I felt suicidal this morning and what I am experiencing with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder, he was not helpful. His comments caused me to feel worse. He kept saying what a "great life" I have and how I should appreciate it. I know that he was trying to help and expressing his own frustration with the stress of his own life in comparison to mine and just not understanding how I could be clinically depressed because I am married to the same wonderful man for 27 years, have 1 wonderful teenaged son and live in a nice house in a nice area. He kept talking about how people have it so much worse than I do.

I started to feel guilty listening to him and to get confused and anxious. So I handed the phone to my husband. Then later I emailed my brother, when I could collect my thoughts, and gave him some links to places online to learn about clinical depression and anxiety as illnesses. I also told him how his comments made me feel and that I still know he was trying to help, but it was not helpful.

Then I beat myself up a little for making a bad decision and going to him for support. I guess I didn't know how he'd respond for sure. Now I know.

[kaliope]

Hi Answers
I am sorry your brother wasn't helpful to you in your time of need. Suicide scares people and they don't know how to respond. I had my long bout with suicidal depression and I scared many people myself. I just assumed depressed people understood. I mentioned it once to a friend who was on disability for depression. certainly she would understand. so wrong I was. she said, lets go for a walk. A WALK! I feel like killing myself and you suggest a walk. that's the farthest solution from my mind. I was dumbfounded. she had never once thought of killing herself and didn't know how silly a walk sounded to me. I just learned that there were only certain people I could vent my feelings to who would understand and answer appropriately. thankfully I found the right antidepressants and therapy and my thirty years of depression is now over. I hope you find solace as well. take care.

[Fuzzybear]

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[Inedible]

It seems to me - and all of this is just my opinion - that life is much more frightening and challenging and disturbing than death is. You weren't looking for an inventory of reasons why your life looks like it is working, from an outside perspective. A simple "I understand" would have been better.

[avlady]

kaliope, i agree with Inedible a simple i understand is the better thing to say, but the people in our lives think we have it soo good when we really don't. It's emotional and pshysical too and some people never will understand how deep the depression can go.

[Mrwings101]

I agree with avlady. Some people don't understand the pain.

[too SHy]

I know about that. You have to walk in their shoes really. My friend has depression too but its different. We sort of know when one of us is having a bad episode and sort of empathize with each other. Sometimes it helps, not talking much, just being there. Most everyone just can't get it at all, some do know it is an illness, not weakness.

[IndieVisible]

Originally Posted by Answers48

I called my brother today. My brother and I are pretty close, actually, but when I told him that I felt suicidal this morning and what I am experiencing with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder, he was not helpful. His comments caused me to feel worse. He kept saying what a "great life" I have and how I should appreciate it. I know that he was trying to help and expressing his own frustration with the stress of his own life in comparison to mine and just not understanding how I could be clinically depressed because I am married to the same wonderful man for 27 years, have 1 wonderful teenaged son and live in a nice house in a nice area. He kept talking about how people have it so much worse than I do.

I started to feel guilty listening to him and to get confused and anxious. So I handed the phone to my husband. Then later I emailed my brother, when I could collect my thoughts, and gave him some links to places online to learn about clinical depression and anxiety as illnesses. I also told him how his comments made me feel and that I still know he was trying to help, but it was not helpful.

Then I beat myself up a little for making a bad decision and going to him for support. I guess I didn't know how he'd respond for sure. Now I know.

In his own uncomfortable and inexperienced way, he was trying to help you. Your right, he has no idea what your going thru. He thinks just a pep talk will fix you. Don't be hard on him or yourself for reaching out to him. You did right by sharing some links. I hope he takes the time to read them. A lot of people don't understand what depression is and think of it as a weakness or feeling sorry for ourselves. And a simple pep talk should make us feel better if we only remembered how lucky we are and what we have going for us. They only see a very small portion of the picture. It would be wise for you to remember that and not expect every one to be so understanding. At least it sounds like you get the support you need from your husband. Give your brother some time to educate himself

[montanan4ever]

Oh I HATE it when people do that :-(. Yeah, they talk that way out of fear, or ignorance, or wanting to help, or whatever, but ugh.

[Lost in this world]

I had a family member who didn't understand it either. I think it's hard when you don't know what it feels like. Just show them and help them understand it. I hope you feel better too!