personality question

Hi- I'm not new but come and go a lot. I'm not sure where to post this and this is the forum I'm in the most, so here goes....

My son (who turns 13 in a week) has Tourettes Syndrome with ADHD/OCD/ODD/mood disorder/depression. We had been going to a new therapist that specializes in DBT. We ended up just doing individual behavior therapy sessions instead of getting involved with the whole DBT process. We were just told a few weeks ago- after much complaining from me about my son not having any motivation to do anything- that the type of personality my son has is a middle level, so he is in "i don't care" mode. This pretty much hits the nail on the head. However, since it is his personality, it can't be treated. The therapist told us she couldn't change that. She would work with us on behavior techniques, but I was going to somehow have to figure out how to parent around that- and didn't know how to help with that. The exception to this is that my son is however happy with being "i don't care", so it is better for him to be happy.

What? I've sat with this information for a few weeks now. I've always known that there was a "i don't care" attitude. Discipline and reward doesn't work. Doesn't care if he gets in trouble or gets to do anything fun. I don't have much control over him. At this point I'm totally lost in what to do. My expectations are too high, but how do I as a parent not have some expectation? I feel like I'm going to crush him and make him miserable for the rest of his life if I get upset over school or whatever. I was a miserable child and I am so scared that I'm going to make him miserable. I have no idea how to parent now.

This is the start of his 3rd week and he has already called sick twice. His school schedule was changed the first day he started this year, and I finally talked with his IST at school to get the teacher names. The teachers at the school are supposed to make sure my sons agenda is signed where homework is supposed to be filled out and they are all supposed to have blogs where they post assignments. The kid hasn't done any homework that I have seen, but there isn't anything out there yet to hold my son accountable except for math and he hasn't turned any in. My son is smart, just mentally, emotionally, behaviorally about 10. I don't think the curriculum is too hard, he just doesn't care. There were problems last year with another boy that wasn't really a bully, he just talked crap. My son ended up with in school suspension over a response that he gave back to the kid after he said that my kid farted. It is all so stupid. We argue for hours over homework that can be done in a few minutes. We can't have fun when we go places because if he isn't winning..... The behavior techniques we did with the therapist are crap. We can't use the skills outside the house and the therapist really made me feel like we discipline too quickly and we have to give him the chance to have his tantrum or feel some control. I really liked the therapist- for the first time in 7 years. But i'm not sure we got anything out of it.

There is obviously more to this story, but this is the summary. I just want to know if anyone else has had to deal with this or has any suggestions? I'm scared he is going to fail school this year.

thx

Really tough questions--I don't even have a child, so I'm no help. My heart does go out to you--sounds like you are doing a remarkable job and your son is lucky to have you.

Thanks- I deal with my own depression which make this harder. Not to mention that I have a hard time helping myself, much less someone else. I just didn't like getting this dumped in my lap with out some sort of solution. And I wasn't sure if it made sense.