[GenCat]

I went to see a pdoc last week and he upped my Zoloft to 100mg. He told me I am not where he wants me to be, even after the hospital things have spiraled downward. He said I have a long way to go to being stable. I wish I could see a way through this tough time in my life...right now I see little hope in each day. Each day is such a struggle to find any happiness. I miss doing the things I love so much it hurts. I miss the old me I use to be.

[Sam2]

There isn't much that hurts more to watch the things you love most be taken away one after the other and your life unravel. Some of the things that disappear are the very things that we once used to keep ourselves sane.

When I was a little kid, all I wanted was to be a veterinarian and to own a horse.
I picked myself up out of depression and suicide attempts to work my butt off and see both of those things come true. Three years later, I was hit by a severe chronic pain condition. Over the last fifteen years, I've watched all of it disappear. The job that was once a 14hr a day by choice turned into a two to three half days a week or hellish pain. The horse I rode daily now is in retirement at a friend's farm because I can't even groom him without paying for it in torture. The long walk's that used to be my outlet are gone to pain as well.

I hope that a change in your medication will help you. That feeling of loss that you have is very difficult to deal with. At least you had the courage to find a therapist and the will to try. That says a lot about your character. Somewhere in there is the strength to keep going. I wish you the best.

Sam2

[Sadley]

I wish my pdoc would give me an idea of where she expects me to be/how much longer it will take, but she just keeps trying different meds. I have no hope right now of getting better but she somehow thinks that she can find the right "cocktail". I guess it takes years.

[gayleggg]

GenCat, sorry you are feeling so low. There are things I miss doing, too, instead of being curled up on the couch with no energy to do anything. I can barely remember who I really was before the depression hit.

Sam2, so sorry to hear how much you have suffered. Like the rest of us you have lost so much. Career and the loss of your ability to ride you horse. I used to be a horse rider. I know how much fun it can be and how close you can become them. I wish they could do something for your pain.

Sadley, I, too, am waiting on the right cocktail. Nothing seems to be bringing me out of my depressed state. I keep hoping with each new drug I try that is will be the one to work. I'm really tired of being in this state of dispair.

Wishing all of you well.

[Fuzzybear]

........

[catsrhelm]

GenCat, sorry you are feeling low right now. Getting adjusted to a new dosage or a new medication can be hard and confusing. Would a little hug help? HUG!

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by Sam2

There isn't much that hurts more to watch the things you love most be taken away one after the other and your life unravel. Some of the things that disappear are the very things that we once used to keep ourselves sane.

When I was a little kid, all I wanted was to be a veterinarian and to own a horse.
I picked myself up out of depression and suicide attempts to work my butt off and see both of those things come true.
Sam2

The same as with what is happening to me, I am straying away from my beloved horse, my pride and joy is dwindling and I have not rode in over 4 months. Each time in between the rides it gets longer and longer. I know I'm depressed but I don't know how to keep going with my life.

[Clara22]

Hang on it there, GenCat