[Mr Wispers]

I made the mistake in telling my wife I was suicidal and I went and got help. 8 months later I'm being told I scared the hell out of her and she's is distancing her self from me. She doesn't "like me" anymore. I've tried like hell to overcome this and I totally failed in my relationship and I'm slipping. I can't make anyone love me again but I regret ever telling anyone anything. No doctor or drug could have prepared me for this reaction. I don't blame her and I'm not angry with her. I am however hurting and alone now. I don't know what to anymore.

[optimize990h]

Hello, Mr Wispers.



The lost of trust with someone you thought you were close to and trusted is part of grieving over the loss of trust with others. This is part of what you need to process to heal.

A rl therapist would help you work on a focused therapeutic care plan so this healing process could be started. PC members are supportive and just being able to express yourself with your thoughts is helpful.

The following links may help you find the answers to your situations.

Depression - Forums at Psych Central
Grief and Loss - Forums at Psych Central
Steps to Better Self-Esteem - Forums at Psych Central
Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central
Self-Help Ideas and Goal Setting - Forums at Psych Central


Take what you like and leave the rest behind. Take care.

Ouch..... Maybe, I do not know, but maybe she simply does not know how to deal with your issues?.?.?

Maybe she is scared of doing the "wrong thing"?.?.?

Maybe she is scared of losing you in that way......

Certainly you know that dealing with you (or me or others like us) can not be very easy.... Those that know our issues need to be very patient with us. In return - we owe it to them to be patient as well.

Best wishes.

[herethennow]

Hi Mr Wispers,

Welcome to PC!

hope you've been coping well with this. Have you talked to her? It's a good thing that you've gone to get help though! Maybe you could bring her to your T appointments, if any, so that she could get a clearer picture of what you're going through and be more understanding?

[Clara22]

Hi Mr. Wispers,
Thank you for sharing your experience. With all my respect, why are not you angry with her? You do not need to answer me, if you do not want to.
I wish you the best and keep posting!

[Mr Wispers]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Ouch..... Maybe, I do not know, but maybe she simply does not know how to deal with your issues?.?.?

Maybe she is scared of doing the "wrong thing"?.?.?

Maybe she is scared of losing you in that way......

Certainly you know that dealing with you (or me or others like us) can not be very easy.... Those that know our issues need to be very patient with us. In return - we owe it to them to be patient as well.

Best wishes.

You're are right. I have been but she plainly put it that she doesn't like me. It hurts me that I hurt her and now it seems like I've lost her. She was my best friends now she finds ways not to spend anytime with me. Patients is all I have.

[Mr Wispers]

Originally Posted by herethennow

Hi Mr Wispers,

Welcome to PC!

hope you've been coping well with this. Have you talked to her? It's a good thing that you've gone to get help though! Maybe you could bring her to your T appointments, if any, so that she could get a clearer picture of what you're going through and be more understanding?

We tried that at first but she has shut down since. Her level of understanding has stalled or she just plain gave up. I don't know any more. Thanks for the welcome BTW.

[Mr Wispers]

Originally Posted by Clara22

Hi Mr. Wispers,
Thank you for sharing your experience. With all my respect, why are not you angry with her? You do not need to answer me, if you do not want to.
I wish you the best and keep posting!

I don't have the energy to be angry and I'm trying to understand where she is coming from. Right now it looks bleak but who knows. I just need toget through this good or bad and keep moving forward.

Originally Posted by Mr Wispers

.... I have been but she plainly put it that she doesn't like me....

<trying to be optimistic>.......
We have all said and done things we didn't really mean. Perhaps she is just frustrated.?.?.?

Hope you keep trying. SHOW her how much you care. Express to her how important to you she is and how important your *relationship* is to you. Tell her again about the things that first attracted her to you.

Best wishes...

[winter4me]

Originally Posted by Mr Wispers

I made the mistake in telling my wife I was suicidal and I went and got help. 8 months later I'm being told I scared the hell out of her and she's is distancing her self from me. She doesn't "like me" anymore. I've tried like hell to overcome this and I totally failed in my relationship and I'm slipping. I can't make anyone love me again but I regret ever telling anyone anything. No doctor or drug could have prepared me for this reaction. I don't blame her and I'm not angry with her. I am however hurting and alone now. I don't know what to anymore.

It was not a mistake to be honest and to get help.
Something is going on that is beyond the disclosure...(I notice the wording, is she saying that she "loves" but does not "like" you, or that she feels neither...) I don't think anyone is to blame, but there is a lot to explore and understand---I do hope it works out, if not, keep working on yourself, you have not failed, you have begun a journey that, for reasons beyond your control, seems to begin with a step off a cliff. Hang in there.

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Ouch..... Maybe, I do not know, but maybe she simply does not know how to deal with your issues?.?.?

Maybe she is scared of doing the "wrong thing"?.?.?

Maybe she is scared of losing you in that way......

Certainly you know that dealing with you (or me or others like us) can not be very easy.... Those that know our issues need to be very patient with us. In return - we owe it to them to be patient as well.

Best wishes.

that's what i was thinking

maybe she's not sure how to respond so is backing away while she thinks about things

[bumble2u]

Hi,
When I have disclosed those type of feelings to my husband I was met with anger and some rage. Years and years ago the reaction was a lot worse than just a bit of rage but what I learnt was that my partner did not have the capacity to understand or process that information at the time. It was really frightening to him , like an attack on his life and all his fear and helplessness in the situation translated in some fairly damaging reactions. Something I think that helped him was taking part in a course that discussed borderline personality disorder but also depression and way to deal with it . A lot of it was dbt based. I'm not saying it was a cure for his hostility but it has helped. I'm still wary of being honest about where I am. He also expressed he did not like me but it isn't necessarily the end of the road. On the other side of the coin when my husband was having a hard time last year I can say I did not "like" him either sometimes although that was due to his rages more than his general malaise. I hope things improve for you .

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by Mr Wispers

I don't have the energy to be angry and I'm trying to understand where she is coming from. Right now it looks bleak but who knows. I just need toget through this good or bad and keep moving forward.

Thank you for answering! I understand you do not have the energy, sometimes I feel like that, and then sometimes I get angry

[SilverNeurotic]

First off, welcome to PC!

Second, I hope that you and your wife get some help together...now that you've taken care of yourself. I was in a relationship in high school where my boyfriend attempted suicide and it was very upsetting for me and the issue constantly came up between us, even after we broke up. Even though you did not attempt suicide, you admitted (rightly so) that you were suicidal and that is a lot for someone to process. It takes a very long time, even after the other person gets help and is doing better.

[StarkRavingMad]

Welcome! When I first read your post I thought maybe she is frightened that she could lose you. I see others have suggested that, as well. It could be that she's scared or it could be something else. I think it would be beneficial for you both to talk about it in counseling to get to the root of what is bothering her so much. No matter what you decide to do, we are here and we understand.

I just went back and reread that you have tried counseling. Perhaps you could talk her into going in again? I don't know, just know we are here if you need us.

[IndieVisible]

If she said she didn't "like" you any more, that doesn't mean she doesn't love you. That she chose to use the word like over love perhaps was a message of some sort. I would at least take comfort in that. I think once she see's your doing better she may come around. Don't push her tho.

[SilverNeurotic]

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

If she said she didn't "like" you any more, that doesn't mean she doesn't love you. That she chose to use the word like over love perhaps was a message of some sort. I would at least take comfort in that. I think once she see's your doing better she may come around. Don't push her tho.

Exactly, there is a huge difference between like and love.