[Shandar]

Hitting something felt so good. It had been so long. Even thought it was just the floor. It felt good!

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Be careful - dodgy road to go down. My right hand will never be the same, thanks to hitting crap.

[Shandar]

My left arm with all the dusts will never be the same either. But I keep cutting

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

OK? I'm not sure what you wanted from this thread. I guess all that's left, is hope that you'll not do that crap, but that means diddlysquat, in the grand scheme of things.

[Shandar]

I guess I ****ing expected nothing other than to share my pain. Must be too much for ya. So I'll just keep it to myself. I've done that for 40+ years so doing it some more means **** to me.

[Poppy Princess]

Do you want a hug? <3

I'm really sorry for your pain. I know how hard it is. I do it too.

[Shandar]

Thanks, but no on the hug.

[Poppy Princess]

Okay <3 I hope you feel better soon.

[Dionysius]

Originally Posted by Shandar

I guess I ****ing expected nothing other than to share my pain. Must be too much for ya. So I'll just keep it to myself. I've done that for 40+ years so doing it some more means **** to me.

Shandar, please don`t keep things to yourself, my grandson has lived with me since he was 18 months old, (he is 12 now). I mention this because he would get so angry with stuff he would punch walls, doors and anything in his sight, he kept coming home and smashing things up in the flat, mostly in his bedroom. I really felt for him and empathized with his moods.I would spend between 1 and 2 hours almost every night calming him. He said punching walls made him feel better (even though it hurt his knuckles). He has totally destroyed a door in the flat but I would talk to him and encourage him to tell me all about it, he once asked me how I could stay so calm when he was "kicking off", I said that I just wanted to help him and that he doesn`t have to keep it inside. I use these forums to off-load about my depression, like I have just done. So what I`m saying is keep posting. I don`t know if it helps you, but posting on here certainly helps me, good luck, Dionysius.

[Shandar]

It does help, most times, Dionysius. It helps to vent to and to share things I have even yet shared with my t. It had been 14 years since I punched something. Was just an incredibly bad day.

I'm really sorry you had that bad a day running really hard or working out hard usually helps me, but when I can't do that my depression takes a huge plunge. Is there a way you can get a punching bag or something like that?

[Shandar]

I would love a punching bag but not very practice while living in an apartment. But I like the idea, thanks.

Ahh true, is there anything else that gives you that sort of release (that is safe and legal)?

[Shandar]

I am sure there are lots but my depression keeps me from investigation. My doc says it doesn't matter if you 'want to do it' you need to force yourself to do it. My husband is going to help me with that by actually taking me out and about tomorrow. Just like when I was a kid, when the mother wanted to ground me she made me go outside, doc is grounding me to outside adventures

I know that feeling, where everything seems pointless and not even the things you use to love peaks your interest. That's awesome your husband is doing that! I hope you actually enjoy it and I hope it helps. (((Shandar)))

I'm totally not a violent person, but it seems like a few times a year I just have to hit a wall or slam a door or throw something against the wall. I can also think of a few times where I have gotten in a car, driven to the middle of nowhere, gotten out, and screamed as loud as possible to the point where I'm almost in pain and eventually start laughing as I realize how absurd what I'm doing is.

I guess that's the result of bottling everything up and being afraid to tell anybody when I'm angry. Everybody I know sees me as the super mellow, laid back guy...it would be hilarious to them to see me in a field screaming my head off at the universe.

Anyway, hope you feel better.

[Shandar]

I have done the yelling thing too. Except I stayed in the car and my husband took the dog out so it wouldn't scare him. It is like I have told my t and doct, things need to hurry up because I am unraveling in the process.

Thanks for the feedback OPRMC. Nice to see others feel the same,