[captain33rpm]

Hi everyone. I'm really getting so fed up of this now. Every day is the same. I wake up, go to uni and come home and sit around all night. When I'm not at uni, I sit around all day and sleep on a night.

I'm a musician and right now, I feel that its all I have left to stick around for.

I have pretty bad OCD (intrusive thoughts constantly all the time). My best friends even sometimes give off this definate vibe that they don't want to talk to me or even have anything to do with me, like I'm the third wheel and that I'm the stupid one who can't do anything without being criticised.

I've always been taken advantage of by loads of people in my life. I've been used and thrown away too many times to count. Mainly by girls. I try to be a nice guy and I try to do my utmost to help anyone and everyone. I've never been lucky with getting into a relationship. I've admitted feelings to loads of girls who went to my college and uni but they would much rather be with someone else while they lead me on just to take advantage of my kindness. I keep telling myself to stop being a nice guy and to just be an absolute d*** to everyone, but its not in my personality to change into that.

I'm 21, almost 22 and am still a virgin (though I'm in no hurry to get rid of it for the sake of getting rid of it. I'm waiting for the right woman to come into my life, before I give into peer pressure and lose it on someone I don't really care about.). I've never kissed or been kissed, ever. My brother is in a relationship and I'm happy for him, but it really makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. Even my friend who womanises and talks about having constant sex with women, is finding happiness. It feels like everyone around me is meant to be happy and I'm not. I keep thinking whenever I see someone who hurt me and used me before , walking around happy with their other half, why it is always them who are aloud to be happy and have a great life, while I'm just sitting by myself day after day.

I'm sorry if I made no sense there, I just have a lot of this to deal with and I didn't know where to start without making an essays worth of writing.

Thanks for taking your time to read this.

[Rohag]

Welcome to posting, Captain33rpm!

Originally Posted by captain33rpm

Every day is the same.

Apart from the struggles you discuss in your post, how is your health in general? Have you been screened for depression?

Just for reference:
PsychCentral Depression Quiz (This is simply a screening test; it is not diagnostic.)
Sanity Score Quiz

[captain33rpm]

I haven't been screened for depression...

[gayleggg]

captain33rpm. You are not alone with those feelings. You will find others on here that can relate to you and your feelings.

[Fuzzybear]

As gaylegg said, you'll find plenty of support here. glad you found us

[captain33rpm]

Thanks for listening and for supporting me guys. You're already making me feel welcome and a bit more cheery now