[unfuntionablytired]

i dont really need anyone to read this, i just want to type.
i feel like EVERYTHING verbalized loses its gold . So i never speak, but i hear my thoughts said and all i can respond with is , i know. Its dumb but i feel like i have really heard everything before and i seldom (never) hear anything new that actually applies to life. the only new things i hear are, did you know a meteor might hit earth in 2036? or something unrelated like that. im just wondering if i will ever meet someone who will make all my unsaid thoughts and conclusions feel worth saying, or if part of growing up is just realizing no one gives a **** including yourself so keep it inside as usual. if thats the case , life is pretty dull and only gonna get duller because as each day passes im finding less and less of a reason to open my mouth. im sure not entertaining myself and know damn well i will never entertain another with my thoughts. my sense of humor died awhile ago. im just such an cavity full of nothing but unsaid words and the conclusion its not worth the effort to speak what i already know very well. with that in mind, when why how and when again, when when will tomorrow change? because im almost positive im holding on to something that doesnt even exist. "real love". i think almost positively its a joke. i never see it in real life. everyday couples are unquestionably vacant of passion. the only passion i see is in photographs of couples making out on the internet and i know already , if there was someone there taking the picture, the moment was faked, artificial nothing ugh. so when should i just give myself a break and embrace reality because i see through the sayings of love. "all you need is to find someone who accepts you for you" no? no. it needs to be mutual , i need to accept them too and with my mental complexity and ridiculous inner standards, that may be very damn well impossible. there are other loads of ******** about the topic too that are just senseless but point is i dont know if love is real, ive yet to be a witness. its all im waiting for though and i really wanna give myself a break. because im exhausted of waking up every morning . just tired of being tired and feeding my eyes for nothing.