pah, losing it..

recently things between me and my gf have been deteriorating, on the saturday just gone i told her i wanted to go on a break because she kept hurting me so much, making me question myself, its because of her my phone is in such a state, ive been taking out my anger on my phone instead of myself, i used to be a SI'er im still very tempted to just go and cut now...... im still worried about her, im always worryed about her, but i dont know if i love her, but i do care for her. we had been together for a year and 4 months. i told my T about this and she said that i was sacrifycing myself to make her happy but in not feeling 100% myself i might b hurting her just as much. we each want the other to be happy. i still want to be with her but at the same time i want to be with everyone else, am i just a selfish B&^$£%D? wanting whats best for me? but what i want it her to be happy....
im so confused..

~how can someone stop you from crying, when they are the ones that made you start~

You have to be "selfish" since it's your life and only you can live it and be you.

Relationships don't have to be exclusive so you only spend time with the other. If you trust yourself and the other person, it's wonderful to have other friends to go do other things with -- kind of like going to school AND working. You don't expect your friends from school to also be your friends on the job or to not have any other friends from school or the job because you have a steady boy/girlfriend! My husband and I entertain people from his work, my work and both, along with friends and family all at the same party!

But bottom line is you can't live someone else's life for them or even "help" them much with it. Everybody's got to stand on their own two feet (except little girls who dance standing on their father's feet :-) You're always doom to fail trying to make someone else happy as they hold all the power there and doomed to not get one's needs met if one expects another to make them happy. That's an individual's job and they're the only ones who can either make it happen and who is responsible for doing so.

tango...there is nothing wrong with breaking up...or maybe just agreeing to see other people for a while...you both are young yes? maybe after seeing other people you will wind up back together...and if not..then it just wasn't meant to be...feeling sorry for someone or feeling guilty is not a good reason to stay with someone...You both have to want it...!! And I am sorry you are feeling so bad...Hope you feel better soon!!

thanks, perna, beth. its just im worryed shes gonna do something stupid, she dosent seem to react to situations in a simple way, she can get herself stuck in a negative rut and bury herself all to easy.....

It is great that you are caring about your girlfriend...It shows you have compassion for people...but you are not responsible for making her happy...she has to do that for herself...A healthy relationship comes when two people are happy on their own...and then want to share with someone else...Hope things go good for you, whatever you decide...!!

thanks alot

still confused but i have to sort this out myself

I agree that you are not responsible for her actions or rather, reactions to your breaking up...no more than she is for yours. As adults we make choices (some not so thought out) but still ours.

I'm glad to see you found a new way to show your anger, as I would much rather you take it out on the phone than on you. Now that you have identified this, why not take it another step and work on why you feel you need to be angry, and how you can lessen that need. Take care.

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