[JoyDivision7680]

Today I asked my math teacher if she would let me go home because I was feeling ill after eating a sandwich - my real reason is depression though. She said yes, and right after I got out of the building I started to feel very guilty, like I did something really bad, like I wasn't allowed to ever do that or like I have hurt my teacher's feelings.

It's not the first time it happens. How can I deal with this?

[Staple]

That happens to me a lot too. Actually, part of it is that my sleep schedule is out of whack, so I ditch class because I'm tired. I do feel guilty sometimes (although to myself mainly, and not the teacher). If I can catch myself up outside of class and return and completely understand everything, then I feel better.

I don't think you're hurting your teacher's feelings though. It wouldn't bother me if students didn't show up, or left early (it's actually happened before).

[JoyDivision7680]

Well, yes, now I see how irational is to think I can hurt my teacher's feelings, especially because she doesn't get mad if we all leave from her class.
I feel guilty mostly because someone did something for me. It happens to me even when I ask my deskmate to wait me while I use the toilet. Sometimes it feels like I'm controling them, and/or like I don't deserve anything.

Originally Posted by MotherMan

Well, yes, now I see how irational is to think I can hurt my teacher's feelings, especially because she doesn't get mad if we all leave from her class.
I feel guilty mostly because someone did something for me. It happens to me even when I ask my deskmate to wait me while I use the toilet. Sometimes it feels like I'm controling them, and/or like I don't deserve anything.

(((((hugs))))))

i just wanted to do that... let you know i read it

[arachnophobia.kid]

Guilt is kind of crippling isn't it? It sounds to me that you have a low self esteem, forgive me for saying so, do you feel that is the case?

I want to tell you that there's no reason for you to feel guilty for doing such a thing - sometimes it's necessary to excuse yourself on account of depression and there's nothing wrong with that. I think it's very noble of you to always put others first but I think it's also very important that you love yourself as well. Maybe in the future tell yourself that it's okay to take space, and also maybe consider being honest with people about the reason you are taking space instead of making up some other excuse. Easier said then done, I know, but honesty is the best way, it'll help you to have healthier relationships with people and also build up your own self worth.

[JoyDivision7680]

You're right, I do have a low self esteem, in fact I've been having it my whole life. And no, I don't think it's the case.
It would be a little difficult for me to be honest since I'm paranoid.
I don't act like I'm depressed while at school, so what if my teachers aren't going to believe me? Most people see things only on the outside. In addition to that, whenever I want to go home earlier, my deskmate wants that too, so it'd look weird if we both asked to leave.

[arachnophobia.kid]

I can understand that, it's very hard to share the darker parts. You may be right that they won't believe you or something like that.

So what do you feel is causing you to feel guilty if it's not low self esteem?

[JoyDivision7680]

I'd blame it all on the depression and GAD, but as a second thought, looking back in time, you might be right; low self esteem plays an important role in all this story too.
Now I feel like an idiot for having to rethink personal things instead of knowing from the beginning.

[arachnophobia.kid]

You're not an idiot MotherMan, I'm sorry this is so tough for you.

I personally think you show intellect in that you are reflecting on this whole thing and I think you've got a good level of self awareness. You're evaluating yourself and that's really good! It may not be easy but it will definitely be beneficial in the long run.

[JoyDivision7680]

Thank you for your kind words!