Probably a trigger posting for some ppl.........

WARNING





I am 48yo married guy.

I have BPD (which for those of you who do know know - means I can be a real a$$hole at times to those close to me).

I have depression that I am working on.... which lead to suicidal ideation... "urges" to just say screw it.

I was physically and mentally abused as a kid for my entire childhood by my other brother. And mentally & emotionally abused by my mother.

I am no prince... so do not think I am saying that I do not deserve some of this... but yesterday my wife was all grouchy. So I prepared her dinner. I cleaned up behind her. I drove one child to basketball. I took the other child out practice driving. Then I picked up the first child from BB practice.... on my way home I brought my wife a McD coffee (she likes that). She laid on the sofa and asked someone to cover her up.... so i got up, got two blankets and covered her. Then she asked someone to rub her back. I do not mean to be a butt..... however - I needed to do a few things to - so I did not respond to that request. She said "nobody does anything for me". ???? EXCUSE ME? Later that night she accused me of some garbage that we have covered multiple times before and she KNOWS the answer/truth (just stupid stuff about things I have said to our kids).

We go to bed and she wont talk..... A minute later she is crying. Hard. VERY hard. She can barely catch her breath - I am concerned and ask if I can help. She tells me that I "snapped at her" - wtf????? Excuse me???? YOU brought up crap and I responded. Next thing I know she is literally kicking me out of bed (with multiple kicks to my torso).

So, hello Mr Sofa....

She has always been one who explodes at any moment (she has anxiety bursts that she is medicated for). But I am getting very tired of her mental and yes - PHYSICAL abuse (she has punched me many times in the past). I am a guy and feel pretty stupid about this - but now that I am in therapy and finding out about how my childhood abuse (never dealt with) is messing me up - I am extra touchy about HER abuse.

Am I in left field??? Am I a lousy husband... oh strike that one - I am a lousy husband.... I know that. but are men "just supposed to take" that crap? Am I out of line???

I FEEL REALLY UPSET. And today I have to see one of my shrinks... and with me being quite upset - I am very concerned that my shrink will have me locked up in the nuthouse again today.... PLUS I do not want to go home. I do not know what to do. I really feel like saying f*** it to life. The ONLY reason I don't is my kids. But I do not know..... this is never going to get better.

LIFE SUX

I am so sorry, I hope your session went well.

I may get into serious trouble for this, but there are three women in my family and sometimes I feel so sorry for my husband. There are times when we love/hate/cry/laugh all in the space of an hour.......

Does she go to therapy for her abusive behavior?

[Pierro]

Your kids will keep you going through the rough times. Best Wishes.