Downs: still very depressed
Ups: can't think of any, except looking forward to seeing my family at Thanksgiving

[Nammu]

I'm still in MN. I caught the flu last week and today my daughter had surgery on her foot. Her s/o is away on a job and I'm on the hospital web. She's having a Bunyan taken care of so it's an out patient proceeder but the hard part will be her 1 yr old rambunctious son. She must stay off her feet for three days. Her s/o will be back tomorrow so she is staying with us tonight. The surgery was planed for last month but her doc had to take a medical leave.

My middle sister is making and bringing thanksgiving to my daughters house, I know I should be happy but I'm dreading it. B(my sister) and I do not get along at all. I've given up trying with her. A couple weeks ago she came over and I had made lunch she wouldn't eat it and didn't say a word to me the entire time. Usually we celebrate all holidays at my mothers house and they show up late and leave early so it's not too big of a problem. Plus my mothers house is quite large so I can just stay out of her way.

It's clear to me that my mom is wanting me to stay here for a lot longer than I planed on but I don't know if I can take much more. I really miss having my own place to go and get away from people for a while. Having to be up all the time is very wearing. It's amazing how fast I fall back into old patterns around family. I'm always fine! On the plus side mom is starting to talk about a lot of things, she's never been big on talking about feelings. She told me that I'm the only one she can talk to about death as my sisters don't want to deal with it. She's 85 and two of her siblings are gone so it is something she needs to talk about.

I really miss being Able to tune in here and connect.

[lindammarie]

This may be a TRIGGER.

I haven't been here in a while and don't need to be spending time here now, but I think I've just learned what a trigger is... A 14 year old at our church committed suicide. I keep thinking, "Oh. That's how you get these people's attention..."

I needed to say it out loud to someone who understands. I didn't know where else to go.

[Martek]

I've been having a very hard time for the last couple of years but the past year has been way to hard. I am lost past the point of no return and am not sure how I can fix anything. I think I am way to broken. I should have gotten help a long time ago.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by tigersassy

I'm doing good too much energy though. Even with a death in the family. That sucks and I'm afraid that I won't be able to be "sad" the day of the funeral because I've been as up as I have been. Grrrrrrrr...... If it isn't one thing it's another.

don't worry about it so much-you feel what you feel; you'll feel sad, but you can't force it. Just let it happen when it happens. I know that's easier said than done, but I'm sure your family knows you loved this person. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Feelings aren't good or bad, they just are.

[toscana]

I'm having a particularly difficult day today. Money problems, family problems, work problems...and so much more. I sit here at my desk and cry knowing what I need to do (go to the doctor) but also knowing I can't afford to. I just wish someone would take me in their arms and hold me.

[Rose76]

I'm doing well - still. My aches bother me, but as long as my mind stays in a healthy place, I can deal with the rest. Been cleaning and cooking. I am so much better than this time one year ago.

[tigerlily84]

No matter how much sleep I get, it's never enough. I can never remember to take vitamins but I'm going to try to put a reminder on my phone.

Work has been busy but I've felt like I've been in a fog; it feels like I can't understand anything. It takes me longer to understand things people say or what I'm reading. Everything seems like it's in slow motion. Maybe I should have gone to my T appointment, but I feel like self destructing.

[healingme4me]

Stands to reason, if I have shed a few tears, in as many days, then a check-in here, is in order. Not a lot of tears, but a few have rolled down my cheeks. Ahhh, it's darker out. The holidays are a big time, of much reflecting. Missing many, near and dear to my heart. And with these remembrances, and anniversary dates approaching, memories are both fond and not so fond.
I find the act of appreciation, more sorrowful, than heartwarming. Though, the heartwarming moments, more humbling, than jumping up for joy. Melancholic, is more like it. Yet, there is something different about this year, than years past, I can smile, a real smile, even through the melancholy.

[tigersassy]

Checking in. No work today because of the funeral. Little sleep once again. If anyone needs to see a spirit lifter I suggest going to watch Frozen. Wonderful movie is bound to make you laugh. I wish I could understand what is going on in my head. My thoughts are speeding past me, but I feel like I'm stuck on the ice trying to keep up with my brain but not going anywhere.

[Martek]

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am with my family but all I want to do is run and hide. The ideal of spending the whole day packed with people is unbearable. I just want to go off and disappear this week has been to hard and I can't put on my "happy face" for an entire day.

[Bark]

Saw my psychiatrist today. I've been wondering how he would react to me having stopped meds. He... seemed totally fine with it. Totally took me by surprise. Told me to monitor myself and see how it goes. We talked a bit about side effects and withdrawal and... I was taken aback. Not complaining! Considering my psychologist's reaction, I was wondering about worst-case scenarios. It was a good appointment.

My bad memory is driving me crazy. My friend says it might be from the withdrawal as well. Gah. I knew better than to quit cold-turkey, but I wasn't stable when I quit anyway.

My mood is actually good. Another surprise. Better take advantage of it rather than letting it go to waste.

Sorry I haven't been replying to posts. The stress and the negativity... replying stresses me out.

Hope today is a better day for everyone. Missing the old posters here! Hope you guys aren't posting because things are better.

[00642]

I don't even know. I don't feel good, not right now. This afternoon, I felt good, I suppose but now I've hit the 'just going to cry' stage and, eh. I need to sort things out.

[Rose76]

Since I put up sheer curtains that let in the light, my living room is so much more cheery. Getting my apartment fixed up nice is making me feel so great. I expect happy holidays this year. This is such a massive improvement.

[bronzeowl]

Ups: My mood has been decent enough until this week.

Downs: This week is causing me intense anxiety and making me cranky.

No signs of depression today!

[it_will_get_better]

Having a bad, bad day. Physical health not great. The depression is everywhere. In constant tears, feeling so weak.

[Fuzzybear]

[Martek]

Thanksgiving morning, already seems like it is going to be a horrible day.

[Bark]

I feel like my head is going to explode. I hate myself. It's not worth it to try. The stress is so overwhelming. Every step up you slide back down. And it's not even something important! No normal person would get this riled up about this. I want to be impulsive but I'm restraining myself. For what? So I can fail yet again? School is the only stable thing in my life right now and it's causing me untold stress and anxiety. But it's my fault for putting myself in this situation. Always is.

[healingme4me]

Really sorted through lots of the past, today. It's an enigma, to be present with the children, reflective and in communication about reflections. Hopeful.

Depression lingers. Cried this morning when talking to my husband about how scared and inadequate my bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia make me feel. Not having a good day, physically or emotionally. Should get out of the house but doubt I will - - except to check the mail. Don't want to go back to bed - - it's not even 11 a.m., but I'm so tired!

[Sadeyes3533]

My whole holiday has just gone down the drain I can't take this up and down anymore there is going to be that final downward spiral.

[tigerlily84]

The holiday blues have hit me, but I'm coping. Or trying to anyway. I managed to make it out to my dad's house for thanksgiving and I was able to enjoy myself a little at least. I had the excuse of leaving because I had work early this morning. My sister in law invited me over to her house for a get together tonight, but she lives rather far and I again have work early tomorrow. I feel a little guilty, but I'm just so tired, and it's nice and overcast outside! I want to curl up with a book and then take a nap.

[Rose76]

Since my s/o used to do all the cooking, it was a challenge for me to cook the turkey . . . but I did it. He's too mobility impaired now to cook like he used to. So I am forced to learn. To my amazement, I'm not doing too bad.

Home now and glad to be.

I've gone through some kind of significant recovery. When I'm having a depressed/anxious spell, I leave my TV on in the living room when I go to bed. It makes it seem like I'm not alone in the house. I haven't needed to do that lately. So I really am a lot better than I was.