I felt like I had the blues going to work on Monday. A couple of people had asked me 'what would I be doing for Thanksgiving?' I hated to be asked that (there's more about that I had posted on here). But it was a pretty busy day so that was good to get my mind off of myself.

I worked out after work. I felt very tired and was not sure if I should do it. Also, last Friday when I worked out, I hurt my back. I went through with the workout and it went very well. I felt tired doing it, but yet it felt like 20 pounds was taken off of the weights. I didn't lower the weights at all, but it seemed like I should have increased it.

[tokiwartooth]

Our work gave us all free turkeys, and now I'm wondering what I'm going to do with a 20lb turkey. Me and mom cannot eat all of that by ourselves. It was thoughtful of them though, and I do love turkey. I guess lots of leftover turkey sandwiches?

bad day. gonna be much worse before it is over.............

I'm having a nice day so far, and I hope it continues that way.

[tigersassy]

Waiting for the wind to blow me off the cliff. I can feel it coming. I knew I was to high.

Downs: still very depressed
Ups: can't think of any, except looking forward to seeing my family at Thanksgiving

[Nammu]

I'm still in MN. I caught the flu last week and today my daughter had surgery on her foot. Her s/o is away on a job and I'm on the hospital web. She's having a Bunyan taken care of so it's an out patient proceeder but the hard part will be her 1 yr old rambunctious son. She must stay off her feet for three days. Her s/o will be back tomorrow so she is staying with us tonight. The surgery was planed for last month but her doc had to take a medical leave.

My middle sister is making and bringing thanksgiving to my daughters house, I know I should be happy but I'm dreading it. B(my sister) and I do not get along at all. I've given up trying with her. A couple weeks ago she came over and I had made lunch she wouldn't eat it and didn't say a word to me the entire time. Usually we celebrate all holidays at my mothers house and they show up late and leave early so it's not too big of a problem. Plus my mothers house is quite large so I can just stay out of her way.

It's clear to me that my mom is wanting me to stay here for a lot longer than I planed on but I don't know if I can take much more. I really miss having my own place to go and get away from people for a while. Having to be up all the time is very wearing. It's amazing how fast I fall back into old patterns around family. I'm always fine! On the plus side mom is starting to talk about a lot of things, she's never been big on talking about feelings. She told me that I'm the only one she can talk to about death as my sisters don't want to deal with it. She's 85 and two of her siblings are gone so it is something she needs to talk about.

I really miss being Able to tune in here and connect.

[lindammarie]

This may be a TRIGGER.

I haven't been here in a while and don't need to be spending time here now, but I think I've just learned what a trigger is... A 14 year old at our church committed suicide. I keep thinking, "Oh. That's how you get these people's attention..."

I needed to say it out loud to someone who understands. I didn't know where else to go.

[Martek]

I've been having a very hard time for the last couple of years but the past year has been way to hard. I am lost past the point of no return and am not sure how I can fix anything. I think I am way to broken. I should have gotten help a long time ago.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by tigersassy

I'm doing good too much energy though. Even with a death in the family. That sucks and I'm afraid that I won't be able to be "sad" the day of the funeral because I've been as up as I have been. Grrrrrrrr...... If it isn't one thing it's another.

don't worry about it so much-you feel what you feel; you'll feel sad, but you can't force it. Just let it happen when it happens. I know that's easier said than done, but I'm sure your family knows you loved this person. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Feelings aren't good or bad, they just are.

[toscana]

I'm having a particularly difficult day today. Money problems, family problems, work problems...and so much more. I sit here at my desk and cry knowing what I need to do (go to the doctor) but also knowing I can't afford to. I just wish someone would take me in their arms and hold me.

[Rose76]

I'm doing well - still. My aches bother me, but as long as my mind stays in a healthy place, I can deal with the rest. Been cleaning and cooking. I am so much better than this time one year ago.

[tigerlily84]

No matter how much sleep I get, it's never enough. I can never remember to take vitamins but I'm going to try to put a reminder on my phone.

Work has been busy but I've felt like I've been in a fog; it feels like I can't understand anything. It takes me longer to understand things people say or what I'm reading. Everything seems like it's in slow motion. Maybe I should have gone to my T appointment, but I feel like self destructing.

[healingme4me]

Stands to reason, if I have shed a few tears, in as many days, then a check-in here, is in order. Not a lot of tears, but a few have rolled down my cheeks. Ahhh, it's darker out. The holidays are a big time, of much reflecting. Missing many, near and dear to my heart. And with these remembrances, and anniversary dates approaching, memories are both fond and not so fond.
I find the act of appreciation, more sorrowful, than heartwarming. Though, the heartwarming moments, more humbling, than jumping up for joy. Melancholic, is more like it. Yet, there is something different about this year, than years past, I can smile, a real smile, even through the melancholy.

[tigersassy]

Checking in. No work today because of the funeral. Little sleep once again. If anyone needs to see a spirit lifter I suggest going to watch Frozen. Wonderful movie is bound to make you laugh. I wish I could understand what is going on in my head. My thoughts are speeding past me, but I feel like I'm stuck on the ice trying to keep up with my brain but not going anywhere.

[Martek]

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am with my family but all I want to do is run and hide. The ideal of spending the whole day packed with people is unbearable. I just want to go off and disappear this week has been to hard and I can't put on my "happy face" for an entire day.

[Bark]

Saw my psychiatrist today. I've been wondering how he would react to me having stopped meds. He... seemed totally fine with it. Totally took me by surprise. Told me to monitor myself and see how it goes. We talked a bit about side effects and withdrawal and... I was taken aback. Not complaining! Considering my psychologist's reaction, I was wondering about worst-case scenarios. It was a good appointment.

My bad memory is driving me crazy. My friend says it might be from the withdrawal as well. Gah. I knew better than to quit cold-turkey, but I wasn't stable when I quit anyway.

My mood is actually good. Another surprise. Better take advantage of it rather than letting it go to waste.

Sorry I haven't been replying to posts. The stress and the negativity... replying stresses me out.

Hope today is a better day for everyone. Missing the old posters here! Hope you guys aren't posting because things are better.

[00642]

I don't even know. I don't feel good, not right now. This afternoon, I felt good, I suppose but now I've hit the 'just going to cry' stage and, eh. I need to sort things out.

[Rose76]

Since I put up sheer curtains that let in the light, my living room is so much more cheery. Getting my apartment fixed up nice is making me feel so great. I expect happy holidays this year. This is such a massive improvement.

[bronzeowl]

Ups: My mood has been decent enough until this week.

Downs: This week is causing me intense anxiety and making me cranky.