[nakitakunai]

At this rate it's looking like I'll never be able to break my binge eating habit, which contributes even more to my depression because I have tried so many times to get this weight off and I only end up right back where I started every time, and my self esteem gets lower and lower every single time I fail. I'm so sick of being fat, ugly, and severely depressed... and I just want to hide from the world forever because of it.

Dropped my ice cream cone today ): I was on the phone with my mom and boom. Well. There goes my sugar high. Feeling particularly empty today after a day of not doing anything except sit in front of my computer. People are loud and partying and I am sitting and munching. Erughaglkajdlka. someone needs to come play video games with meeeeee.

[healingme4me]

((((nikitakunai))))

____________

Wish I could get my hair to do this, everytime i put it up like this. Good hair day, even if I had zero minutes to brush it

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[tigerlily84]

Well. Yesterday was a bit of an adventure. (I use the word "adventure" sarcastically.)

While I was at work yesterday, I started feeling very strange: nausea, vertigo, numbness and a "tingly" feeling in my face and arms, rapid breathing and heart rate increase. I thought I was having a panic attack, but they have never been like that before. It was bad. I went home and called my doctor's after hours nurse line. They told me to go to the emergency room, so I did. Turns out that the increase of lexapro this week was a bad idea. All of those symptoms were a result of the lexapro. They gave me benadryl to combat the muscle spasms it gave me and zofran for the nausea, but they gave it to me via IV. wow.... it really kicked in fast. I was very drugged out. I think I called the nurse cute, lol. Anyway, that was my day yesterday. Crazy.

[Viuam]

Was rudely woken up this morning by my mom. I did not want to wake up at all. The minute my eyes opened all the anger from yesterday came rushing back. I just wanted to be left alone. Dad yelled at me this morning for "doing nothing". Said that I had a year left to be in the house and then I had to be gone. I am about to explode, I cant take the pressure from everyone. I cant do things, thats just the way it is. The roof of my apartment building is looking very good right now.

[IcryWhoAmI]

Doctors tomorrow morning. I'm so scared. I get nauseous just thinking about it.

[StarStrike]

I woke up this morning feeling really numb. I could hardly tell that I was alive. I SI'd in the shower just to see that I'm still living. I definitely am. After lunch I took the dog out because she was bouncing off the walls (not literally - she was just hyper). A simple walk turned into a two and a half hour walk. We ended up seeing some breathtaking sights and for a little while I forgot everything bad in my life. I even smiled. But then on my way back home, I was snapped back into reality. Now I'm just tired and full of self hate.

[Hellion]

I feel somewhat stimulated...not sure if its anxiety of some sort, or the celexa I started it can't be the couple sips of coffee I drank as I am exactly 'that' sensitive to caffeine. Come to think of it though I don't really feel any emotions either good or bad at the moment.

[mulan]

Well, here I am sitting in front of the computer, doing nothing when I have so much to do. Probably at this time I would be in a rush and freaking out...now it's just, let it be. I can't focus for many long and there is so much to memorize, I'm not even worried about failing this study object or even failing the year. The thing that probably will anoy me the most, if I can't do it well is thinking that other people will talk about me in the back...because to little worry about me to ask if I'm doing good.
I just miss one exam, not a big deal, but if I coulnd't make this one they certenly will start to notice that something is not wright. That brings a lot of new scenarios, don't no what's the worst...
I realy never talk about what I would want to be in the future, I just am studying this I don't no very well why, it just seems like I ended up here. I look at my degree: a professional life of unstop study, unstop deal with people. I just get tired while playing stupid games in which I don't have to think. How I am suppose to survive to a professional career. My sister wants to be a psychiatrisc, in theory it looks like a good think to pick comparing with other careers. But it made me thought about many things...

[seeminglyreal]

Feeling rather good! I was feeling very rubbish last night and this morning because my boss asked me if I could work today. I didn't want to but I suck at saying no to people, so... Worked turned out okay and I found out that I don't feel so bad when my mind and body are busy. I have enough energy now, so I'm tidying up my room a bit.

[Fuzzybear]

........

[GlassCageOfEmotion]

Originally Posted by StarStrike

I woke up this morning feeling really numb. I could hardly tell that I was alive. I SI'd in the shower just to see that I'm still living. I definitely am. After lunch I took the dog out because she was bouncing off the walls (not literally - she was just hyper). A simple walk turned into a two and a half hour walk. We ended up seeing some breathtaking sights and for a little while I forgot everything bad in my life. I even smiled. But then on my way back home, I was snapped back into reality. Now I'm just tired and full of self hate.

I'm glad you walked. I'm finding it helps with emotional healing. Maybe you could take pictures next time and then look back at them. The art of nature is healing, also, I believe.

[GlassCageOfEmotion]

I'm actually having a good day so far....nothing extraordinary accomplished, but I feel human and mostly optimistic. I need to keep this going!

[veiledregret1234]

Lowest I've been in a long time. So lonely, can't stop crying. Feeling dehumanized by my job and cut off from anybody that might give a damn.

[mulan]

Feeling like laughing and moking about my own life. Maybe I'm going to bed right now...don't know a thing and I don't care. Just tired, feeling totaly unreal. Mind blank one more time as usual. Tomorrow will be way worst than this days I will crash on reality.
Had a conversation with my father in the car, he likes so much to blame "anxiety" on womb experiences...like anxious mothers...children get it before they already born...it seems like he had read that in diferent places. It's easy to blame other things than our own. I fight back, told him that "genes" and life experiences can shape us much more than that. The more I dig the more I find people in my close family dealing with mental disorders...Perhaps I have no choice beside than living like this.
He made me live my young life measuring all the steps in order to not fall in the hiden hole...guess that parenting based on fear have some thing to say and fighting back emotions has something to say to. Maybe more than all genetic predesposition and enviremental experience of someone else's anxiety.

[izzyfg2000]

There's too much to think about, too much to be confused about. I just feel like everything is useless, and just an excuse to be happy or feel better...

Doesn't everyone need an anchor in life? Something to keep them holding on. I know its time for me to move on, and I also know I won't find complete happiness ever. But I've found someone and I think I'm falling in love. He is very protective, wont put up with me putting myself down, optimistic, and makes me feel good.
I can't see anything bad about it, except rushing into it. But I've worked through my issues in the past, and all we ever have is "now". I'm falling, in love

Ever feel like you literally have a pain in your heart? I have. Sometimes I wonder if depression can bring it on.

[mulan]

I think I'm not going to sleep this night. My head can't stop think the same thing over and over. The same exact words. I enter here and I was thinking how I still feel alone posting here. And when I come out of here, I feel I'm an someone else waking up. Maybe I just feel alone. There are few people that when I see around I feel like saying hi!, but most of the time I just feel like we are all a bunch of people trying to speak at the same time and no one is really listening to each other. Probably this is just how I feel...

[Rose76]

I think I'm getting better. Trying to get out of being depressed. Got some stuff done today.

Lately I'm kind of scared at times.