[Zeroth]

I hope this is the right area and it isn't too long...

I've given in, I need some unbiased advice. I'm not the type of person to just open up to just anybody, but if it's anonymous I guess it can't hurt.

Junior high I was bullied by this guy, not physically but verbally. He turned everyone I knew against me and only a select couple people would dare talk to me. I never really had any close friends and spend nights/weekends/summers alone.

Once I hit highschool, I met this guy, quite accidentally (I'll call him Dylan). We really seemed to hit it off right from the beginning. I added him to Facebook and we had some great conversations about stuff that nobody else really seemed to care about. He always seemed genuinely interested in them and rarely made up excuses to leave mid conversation. I would try a couple times a week to hang out with him outside of school but it never happened.

After a few months of knowing him I, I fell in love. (I've never really loved anybody before, even though I have dated several girls due to setups from other people) I flat out told him that I was bi and that I liked him. He told me that he was straight and that there was no way he was anything but. He didn't seem to care and we both agreed to not bring it up again, and that was that.

Other than him and a female friend (I'll call her Amber) I never really had much in the way of close friends for the three years of highschool, and I don't really know what to expect of friends. I've always put way more effort into the friendship than he has, but from what I can tell he's the same way with everybody.

When I completed my driving test and got my license, I drove to his house, along with Amber and we chatted for quite some time along with trying to persuade him to hang out. It eventually worked and he admitted that he actually had fun.

As far as I can tell, I'm mostly over the liking him part, and certainly value him way too much as a friend to ruin it with such foolishness.

The past few months he's been ignoring my messages a lot, although when he does answer it normally leads to a long in depth conversation over some random topic. I've been been to his house several more times to attempt to see him as I'm afraid the friendship will fall apart, especially since we're done school now and our paths have no reason to cross anymore, and most of the time he doesn't end up doing anything but there have been a few times he has.

I know that he's quite introverted and he knows I have no problem with it. He would rather stay at home and play video games than go to parties up until recently which he has attended a few and has picked up drinking. I've told him that if he doesn't want to talk to me or to hang out all he has to do is tell me and I'm fine with it. I'd rather know the truth than be ignored and he knows that.

This friendship is starting to trigger depressed episodes for me. He ignores me and I get upset and want to cry until he answers me again.

All through this Amber has been very supportive and knows everything that has been going on. The problem is, she's had enough of me trying to kindle the friendship and insists I just move on and give up. After the effort I've put into the friendship that just feels like an impossibility.

Anybody else ever been through a similar situation able to offer me any advice? I'm tired of feeling down over things that I can't change. Thanks!

[Nerak67]

I have had quite a few relationships where I have felt that I cared more about the friendship than the other person. It does hurt. I usually end up backing off a bit until they reach out to me. I just doesn't feel good to me when I am always initiating contact and it isn't reciprocated.

[unhappy-of-spain]

You asked if anyone had been in a similar situation.

I had a relationship many years ago where I was much more comitted than the other person. It ended badly, very acrimonious, which I don't think is your situation.

But, my point is, 20 years later she contacted me through Facebook asking if I was the person she knew from ... who worked at ... And now we get on very well!

Sometimes relationships have to end. I had to end that one all those years ago to preserve my own happiness. It hurt like hell at the time, but it had to happen. I moved on, found myself happier, put it behind me.

But hey, what goes around comes around, or something like that, and I am pleased to hear that her life went how she wanted it: married, kids, ... She was interested in how my life moved on, I changed careers, moved abroad, ... I now count her as a good friend.

Hope that helps you, Zeroth.

Sorry - I have no insight on your troubles.... Just wanted to say:
*** hang in there ***

[NWgirl2013]

The other posters here have given you some good insight. I would only like to add that sometimes people come into our life for a time and for that time there is great benefit. And then they go out of our lives.

Maybe it is time to make room for what is coming next. Maybe, later on down the line your friend will reach out to you and you'll rekindle the friendship.

But right now, you have a friend in 'Amber' who is telling you something important and is sticking with you through it. She is a great friend. Give 'Dylan' his space. Look up & around and see what new opportunities are out there for you.
Best of luck as you experience yet another of many growing pains.

[Zeroth]

Thanks everyone for your kind words. It means a lot to know you're not the only one going through certain things.