I am 19 years old, and I have been dealing with depression for the last two years. It has gotten worse over time, although I go through periods when it's better.

I'm in college right now, and although I know many people enjoy their years at college, I really dislike it here. My roommate and I don't get along because he stays up extremely late, and I have classes early in the morning. He has also treated me very coldly from the start. I get very mad at him, although we tend to just ignore each other. I tried switching rooms months ago, but for whatever reason, that is only now coming through. I am not staying for a second semester, which stresses me out since now I have to move rooms right before heading home.

My home life is also not such a great place to me. I get along very poorly with my mother, who seems like an emotional drain. The house is very messy, bordering on hoarding, and (I'm not sure if anyone can relate to this) but the clutter really gives me anxiety. I have tried cleaning my own part of my room, but I have to share it with my brother, who is very unconcerned with trying to change the house, and does not get rid of much stuff. There is a real lack of privacy in the house, and it seems like I can never find a place to wind down from anything.

I know this is getting long, but even though I have made some friends in college, I find myself avoiding them. I have found that I just can't stand being around people, especially since I have no real intentions of coming back to college, and though it is a mean thing to say, I really don't want them in my life. Has anyone else ever felt like this, just not wanting to be around others? I realize I have been complaining a lot, and the funny thing is that before I became depressed, it seemed that I was rarely bitter towards others, and I functioned much better, even under similar conditions.

[June55]

Sometimes I need my space to reenergize. Sometimes I pick up on others energy.

When I get stressed, worried, I tend to push people away at times. I become quiet to even my closest friends.

Other times, I become very "clingy?" want hugs or just sit in the same room, quietly though. Maybe seeking approval, like its ok.

Change is hard.

Would it upset your mom if you just started cleaning?

What if you took a second semester? What are you studying? Maybe you need different courses or not a full course load?

Have you tried other resources for help at college?

Good luck. Message me if you want to talk more.

[puzzclar]

I've had several semesters where I moved right after finals, it was a bit stressful but worth it.

[VioletLynx]

I understand, my roommates where hard to deal with in college and college basically magnified all the problems I had. My time there was awful but ok at the same time. I would go back if I was you. It took till my third year till I found someone who is still my best friend. College is full of new experiences and you have the ability to make big changes every year or even every semester. If home is a big source of stress, college will get you away from it. I think you need to give it another chance. Message me if you would like to talk more! I just graduated so all that you are going through I'd still very fresh in my mind

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[falsememory7]

Hi Alex I'm a college student too, and I've struggled with depression for countless years - I can really relate to you. I've been in a house where the mom was hoarder, and I couldn't stay in there for too long... couldn't think. I can only imagine how it is to live there, and I understand exactly what you mean. I have a few college friends on campus as well, yet I tend to avoid them, and next year I'm planning on getting my own apartment... Wow, we go through some of the same things. Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk more about this, or anything in general I would love to get to know you better, and just keep hanging on, okay?