[wushuduck]

I don't know whether to put this in the anxiety forum or in here. My emotions are running riot right now.

Does anyone ever feel horribly guilty for dragging their loved ones down with them? I feel like crap right now. The idea of death dominates my mind. Death of me, my family, my pets, and it's causing me so much sadness. I feel like I've lost someone close to me and I'm mourning their death, but nobody has died. I feel guilty as though I've done so much wrong but I don't know what's causing me to feel this way.

I've got that horrible pit in my stomach, I feel hollow and I'm full of dread. My anxiety levels are through the roof, it's a surprise I've not thrown up because I feel physically sick. I can't put my finger on what's causing me to feel this way though. I've got no valium left either so there's no cure for the anxiety.

This is the worst night I've had in a long time.

I've tried everything, I've tried music, films, games. Ranting to people. Nothing will help. I don't want to wake my parents up either because it just causes them more emotional stress. I want to phone the crisis team but then my parents will wake up and worry. I'll just come off feeling even worse. I feel like I'm causing everyone distress and I shouldn't be dragging them down with me.

I don't know what to do.

[Sam2]

Feeling like you are a burden comes along with being depressed. I live with a friend and her husband and have for the past fifteen years. During that time I've had depression, a pain condition, surgeries etc. All I can think of is that they didn't know what they were getting into when they had me come live with them. My friend and I have a business, and my constant cancellations are killing it. So yes, I do know what its like to feel as though you are dragging others down with you.

Coming from the parental side, keeping your pain to yourself and not including them is actually worse than trying to shield them from your depression. Having a child, seeing that they are struggling but not knowing why is far more frightening than it is than knowing the truth. I've been on both sides of the fence, child and parent, and I think you would be far better going to your parents. You are still on their insurance, and it may allow for mental health treatment. Sit down with both your parents and explain to them how you feel and tell them that you need help.

Sam2