[wanna.be.happy]

This was on my Yahoo.

I've always been peoples rock, helped them though tough times, even when I was going through a rough patch myself.
But depression.
i really hated it, so I tried really hard to give others the happiness I'll never get.
One day, at school, i snapped.
I'd done something bad, it was piling up, I'd lost my oyster for like 8th time, it's kinda expensive for us, cause we aren't all that rich.
so i was in the changing room exploding.
not a pretty sight.
my friend( who I'll talk about later) helped me, so I'm all crying and stuff and ONLY she helped me( there were a lot of people there).
but later when I got home I beat myself up-literally, physically/psychologically.

That was 1 summer ago.

now Ima 'Psychiatrist', i help people who think they may have a problem, right now i have someone who believes she has OCD and my friend who helped me.
(I forgot to mention, i'm quite an angry person, i have a very bad temper. I am also very stressed, when I am angry or stressed my mom and brother are far away as possible.
& I think I have some of the symptoms of OCD cause one day someone put something on my face, it was nasty, I had a panic attack, I'd never reacted like that, I thought I was dying!)
so she kinda has a problem with this girl, and she is turning into a wreak,I dunno what to do.
The girl she got a problem with is always making fun of my OCD, telling me how disgusting something is, in the hopes I'll have a panic attack.
They are really hard to deal with, adding to stress.

I'd tell my mom and dad, but my mom is a psychologist and strong christian, so always tells me to pray for the anger(that's all she knows about)to go away.
It doesn't.
I'm scared to tell my mom I'm suicidal, I want help, but i don't want them to tell my parents.
My dad also used to be angry violent, he has calmed, but i don't want me to bring that back.

sorry that there is sooo much to read, just that feeling like cr*p, isn't very nice.

I stress eat, and have hyper episodes.


Extra

The actual depression.
I hate me, ism a stupid, selfish, ugly, should die, know-one-cares-about, unneeded person.
attempted suicide, saw it wasn't working, so self hared instead

[kaliope]

if you cant talk to your parents, do you think you could talk to your counselor at school? talking about it would really help. take care

[Idiot17]

(((((hugs)))))