Back where I didn't think I would be

It was about 18 months ago that life started to spiral downwards into this thing called depression. After a couple of months on these discussion boards, and many helpful individual private messages, I got myself together, took on full-time work, and swore off medication (by the way, don't stop Cymbalta cold-turkey, it's not fun). For a little over a year, I was back to my old self.

Sadly, I quit my full-time job out of principle, and now I regret that more than anything. Depressed people are poor decision makers, and I'm just another in a long line the depressed that dug a deep hole for himself...

What is it with depression that keeps us in the realm of making the same brutal, self-defeating mistakes?

Thanks for reading; your stories and struggles have let me know that I'm not alone. I take some comfort in that.

* Hugs to you

Hello regretful, nothing is at it seems when you have depression. I have been offered voluntary redundancy and I am thinking about it. Depressives are poor decision makers that is true and what if i make the wrong choice. Thats something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

Thank you both for your replies. I'm holding out on a "wing and a prayer" with these forums as they were tremendously helpful to me in the past...

Hello. I have made many mistakes and have had really bad judgment. I have made decisions that have been horribly regretful. I left my husband and split apart my family and have been in the worst depression for over a year now because of it. We are going to get back together and my own depression was part of the decision in leaving him. I am on permanent disability which is what I thought I wanted do to my bipolar and severe depression. However, I am on a limited income now, no social outlet and am not sure what my purpose is outside of my family. However, I know if I go back to work, I will have to deal with a whole new set of problems. Depression effects our subjective reality which means what we are feeling and seeing as reality is often not what is really going on. The best advice I got was to not say anything right away when we feel stuff, even if we are 100% positive that this might be what we need to say. Do not make any decisions right away that are important. Give it time.

It may be something underlying causing the depression. Impulse control, poor decision-making skills, struggling with constant assumptions about everything... It could be anything. Even anxiety could lead to depression because that way of life and overwhelming emotions gets tough. Try to take note of small things that trigger or worsen your depression. Being a depressed is more of a result of something else, if not purely chemical imbalance.

Hope you feel better!!


-Hope

Hello regretful!

I am so sorry you feel this way. I made a decision to quit my job too, it is one that I am regretting because I feel like I am going backwards. But I am glad you are using this outlet to express what you are feeling.

My main problem is not quitting a job. It is getting fired because of my lack of attention to detail. Also, my motivation and demeanor. I not only have depression and anxiety but found out I also have ADD after I got fired from my last job.

I was really impulsive and would make really bad decisions in almost all aspects of life. I've lost many good relationships because of my bad choices. It seems the impulsivity has gotten better but I will still say things that I shouldn't.

I now have a job which is going good but I do go through periods of no motivation and self doubt. I always hammer myself on the fact that I could do so much more with my life than I have done so far. I know that is my family talking in my head and I need to let it go.

I'm going through a really rough patch right now and even though my life is going good, I still have the hopeless thoughts. I can never pinpoint a specific reason or reasons why I feel this way. I try to go through every aspect in my life but I just end up confusing myself and making myself more down.

I am thinking it is because I started taking Wellbutrin two and a half months ago and stopped taking Prozac. I am also on Vyvanse for my ADD. My last Dr visit, he gave me Klonopin because I wasn't sleeping good and he also lowered my dose of Wellbutrin. He switched me from Prozac to Wellbutrin because I had very little motivation and was feeling lethargic, even while my Vyvanse was in my system. I'm starting to think Wellbutrin is not the answer and I need to find something else. I have not noticed any uptick in my motivation but I have noticed I am more emotional and grumpy.

I also thought it was alcohol that was doing it to me. I know alcohol and these drugs are not supposed to be mixed so please don't hammer me too bad for this. Actually, I never was a big drinker while on Prozac and I even have drank less while on the Wellbutrin.

I also thought it was because of the seasonal change but I have never had that before and there have been very few dreary days here in California this winter. (We need rain bad here in Northern California).

I also try to attribute it to my diet but I have ate better in the last year than the previous years. I have cut out fast food, soda and the gummy bears

The last two months have been a grind for me and it so hard to deal with because I was doing good for so long. My doc changed my meds because I was complaining of the lack of motivation and he said Wellbutrin would help with that. I guess it's trial and error and I will have to try a new medicine which really discourages me. I hate waiting 6-8 weeks to see if something works. Has anyone else gone through this?

Thank you!