[Chloepatra]

I will begin...
I am reflecting on 6 years of depression...and what I have been learning from it... the biggies for me:

I was a GREAT co-dependent... it's what mainly brought on my depression...
always giving way too much emotionally, financially, time-wise... I drained myself in many ways...

What I finally learned? I was brought up that way. I wasn't properly loved...and was expected to not think of myself...
What I learned from that??? my parents had issues that prevented them from being able to care properly for me, and their other kids...

So...I have been learning to love myself, parent myself... forgive everyone...for we are all just a product of our pasts... and I have been learning what true friendship really is...
so, I have had to let go of some prior friends... the ones I made while being such a great codependent ...the ones I was there for! but they not for me...and I am now learning how to be in more equal relationships with people...how to ask for emotional support and not just give it...

I have learned to let go of all expectations of anyone... most especially my family members... I just keep on expressing love when and where I can and let them keep on going about their business of not really being emotionally available to one another, nor to me... I literally feel lucky to have had to deal with depression! ...because it has made me more sensitive to others...and even able to see how they hide from their own wounds... some in trying to be perfect...like my extremely Catholic sibling, another in trying to keep everyone happy...yes, he is a codependent who I finally accept will never change... another sibling is into having the best of the best, etc... I feel lucky that I actually have been able to deeply feel.

I have learned to simplify my life. There is only so much energy to go around when one is feeling down, and this has made me aware of the many things not worth wasting energy on...

This is only a short list...but, it felt important to me to begin a thread about what we have learned from our depression (s)... what there is to be thankful for about having had to struggle with/through such an illness.

I know I am a better person for it! and I know I live a more authentic and honest life now too.... and I have also learned that I am much stronger than I ever realized... to have gone into the place of contemplating suicide and to have been able to promise myself to never, ever give up on myself...and to keep moving forward (even when the growing pains have been tough)... it's pretty amazing...

Oh...I have also learned that pets are amazingly adept at knowing when I need them to hang with me... God bless them!

[Poppy Princess]

I have learned I don't believe in God.

I learned I don't value friendship.

I learned most people should be depressed.

[angryworld]

I like the question! Maybe I've learned that things don't have to be perfect to be very, very important. There are many small things that I've taken for granted that may not seem to be so great but they are still vital to my life. I will think more on this question when I'm awake.

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My depression has been teaching me that I am a survivor. If I can make it through this current bipolar depressive phase, I can make it through anything. It has also humbled me very much.

sorry, deleted

[ToeJam]

I've learnt to me more tolerant of others... with depression and mh in general being a hidden issue for most (perceived thoughts of it being taboo to admit that you have a problem)... I tend to refrain from jumping on the bandwagon when those around me think someone is an arse or other unsavoury characteristic.

[Clara22]

Thank you, guys for your posts. I have not learned anything from depression, I guess, yet, but for sure will do some day

[Martek]

I have learned that I am a coward at heart

[Chloepatra]

Thank you to those who shared...it is so obvious that each person's perceived lessons are highly personal... some are able to find positive lessons...I feel grateful that I can, too...even though I am down with a bad virus right now...

I know at my deepest points, I felt 'incompetent' as an adult, but I learned that I was just not brought up to know how to function well in the world. So, I can understand the 'negative' replies, and my heart goes out to you.

Right now, I am physically ill...appears to be a bad viral infection...very sore throat, cough, aches, exhaustion...

I am a bit afraid as it hasn't gotten better for three days now...and I was hoping to go out with my husband for NY Eve and attend a NY Day gathering... I am not afraid about being sick, but oddly about not making it to these events, as I had gotten myself together enough to get through Christmas...I am afraid that the self-critical part of me may be lurking back in... so, I now feel a little depressed about being sick...

So, I will add to my list that I am learning how my depressions can be linked to unrealistic expectations of myself... when I first felt the sore throat, etc 3 days ago, I told myself 'of course I'll be well by the 31st'... yet, there was no way I could know this... I just didn't want to let my husband down or the few friends I know will miss me if I do not get well in time. The gathering on the 1st is especially already 'pressing in my psyche,' as it is our first invite to the couple's home...and it was meant as a way to welcome us into 'their inner circle.'

With that...a request for healing vibes...
hugs...
Thank you, Chloe

[omofca]

A sense of futility. I might as well push life's boundaries while I'm still young. I don't care about much. I only don't want to die young and even if I did I wouldn't be too distressed about it. It has also taught me a sense of hate and vengeance. I have impulsive thoughts to kill those who piss me off.

[jesusplay]

Originally Posted by Poppy Princess

I have learned I don't believe in God.

I learned I don't value friendship.

I learned most people should be depressed.

I'll see you in another life, when we are both cats.

[Punto Bobo]

Wonderful post, Chloe! I've been away, but I never forgot you(-all) so I'm checking in again by answering this post. I was diagnosed over 20 years ago, and medicated until a few months ago. Recently I got so angry I scared myself. So now, I'm deciding this is perhaps about anger management. When I saw I had a problem recently, I found this website. I also went to the church of the wildlife rehabbers I work with -- awesome people. I am afraid of my apartment manager, having learned that she is not only dumb but also subtly evil. I can't just align myself with God and sleep in! I have to get dressed and go out, ask people to pray for me and pray with all of them in God's house. That's how I saw it. Today was my second Sunday at that church. I had to set my alarm. My friends are gone to help build a float for the Rose Parade! I met their daughter who said I need to get right back on the meds! Well, okay, I'm listening. . . . Now the woman in 101 has died, so the noisy woman upstairs from me will move. Meanwhile, not to wait too long to deliver my Christmas cards, at 2 a.m. Christmas morning, I tiptoed up and down the halls to stick 45 cards on all the doors -- including that of the noisy one! When I looked out the next morning, there was a card from her on my door! God bless! . . . I think a lot of us were in the doldrums just after Christmas. Now I've gotten my creative "wim and wigor" back. I sent off for brilliant turquoise bottom sheets and pillow cases. I'm planning a duvet cover with a bright patchwork top. Easy does it! I am still outraged by certain things where I live and in this country, but to ruin my life about it? I'm going to try not to. . . . And Chloe, darlin, all the things you said are 85% true for me also. At least. After all, if Bill and Melinda gave EVERYTHING, then they'd be begging on the street! We can't give all our psychic energy either! The next door neighbor of the noisy woman is hearing ALL the X-rated bedroom noise. She seems very sweet but suffered beatings from a step-mom back in Austria. I said she might enjoy wildlife rehab -- showing up, say, Wednesdays at 9 to feed baby birds and fold laundry. She said no, that it was all she can do to take care of herself. That is wisdom, right there! Smart lady! Chin up, everybody!

[Chloepatra]

Mimi!!!



I'm so glad you're back!
You sound good... that makes me feel better... just to know you are doing well.

The little things in life matter so much... I just REALLY 'got that' in reading your reply...I sense it is another lesson from depression.

Also, being with people you feel similar to and expressing caring... whether it be in a church or doing the kind of volunteer work you do... so special... yes... another thing I am learning.

I have on my 2014 list a number of items that involve getting out there and being with others, in community... one is continuing to attend a monthly circle of both men and women...it's really a great group...been twice so far... and I will be joining a women's weekly group that will be forming soon... both groups involve taking turns processing one another through past traumas, or helping each other understand our 'shadows' and where they came from, and also helping us keep ourselves 'accountable' for whatever it is that we each want to be accountable for...basically, helping us each live the life we want...kinda a co-counseling group therapy thing.

Well... I just wanted to send a big hug as soon as I saw you here... thank you for choosing to share your update on my thread... glad it, and I still, resonated with you... you sure were missed by me ~

Take excellent care...and beware the evil manager

[tranquility84]

I guess what depression taught me was that there is no quick-fixes to depression. Everytime my mania yanks me out of my depression, I forget all the deeply-seated problems and disorders I have, and I stop therapy and healing my mental wounds, and the wounds just get deeper and deeper with time.

Am deep in depression now and there doesn't seem to be a way out. It has been a lifetime of depression, and 3 years of manic depression for me, and yet I never learn.