[Stronger]

I feel so alone. Depression is way worse when you feel like nobody in your life will ever understand what you're really going through and how you're really feeling.

A few months after I realized that I was slipping again I got back into counseling and started opening up to friends more. It wasn't enough. I felt like there was no way out no matter what I did. Well after months of nothing but pain and hopelessness I snapped and ran away just trying to get away from it all. I thought that if I just got away then everything would be better. My depression told me that there would never be any way out, and so I ran.
After five hours of driving I sat behind a rest stop sobbing and listening to the voice that told me nobody knew or even cared where I was. But it was at that rest stop that I heard another voice. And for the first time all day, I listened to the voice telling me to go and get help.
So I turned around and drove another five hours back to check into the hospital for the third time over the past four years. They told me that I'd had a major depressive episode and they diagnosed me with major depressive disorder. The doc told me that this would be a lifelong journey. AHHhhhhhhh!
Two weeks and a medication change later I come home, no longer feeling suicidal, but still just really depressed. Insurance stops paying for the hospital two days after you stop being actively suicidal.
I hate this. I was doing great for the past three years, but then this. The last thing I want to do is drag my family through the mud again.

Can ANYONE relate?? At times I feel so alone, like I'm the only one in the world going through this. Is it considered totally insane to just leave one day and go for an unplanned ten hour drive?

[Auntie2014]

No more insane than me sitting at the train station people watching because I could not face going home to an empty house.

[River11]

Feeling for you.
I think going for a long drive is at least doing something ... possibly therapeutic ... better than wallowing helplessly and feeling worse about yourself cos you're not doing anything but being and feeling stuck where you are ...like I often do when depressed.

And it seems it was action that led to a beginning of positive change.

Hope this week feels a bit easier for you

[Frankbtl]

Hi, as you know depression isn't usually something you can just "snap out of" it can tale a journey to reach the other side. And it can be a day by day thing. It is really good that you got help when you needed it, but now maybe it's about putting things back together piece by piece. What sort of things helped you (even if just a little) when you've felt like this before?
Maybe you could try revisiting them? Or are there any changes you can make in the things you're doing right now that could help? I do know it can be really hard and even finding the motivation to do things can be a problem, but try one step at a time and focus on you.
Maybe you could also focus on how good things were before and how much better they CAN be when you just make it through this.
And maybe go back to the counseling and talking to friends, it can sometimes take a lot of perseverance and effort to begin to see even slight changes for the better but maybe in the long run.........?
But just don't forget- you are not alone and there are plenty of us on here who can understand how you've been feeling and how you're feeling right now.