I think we all have some of these in our heads.......

Well, I was with one of my shrinks yesterday and she went through the always fun question "do you need to be in the hospital"??

(side note - WHO every says yes to that question?)

I said no. And the next thing I hear is her talking about how I should probably stop seeing her until I get past my depression (I am seeing one other therapist and a meds doctor). Part of me feels like I am a failure for STILL being stuck in my darkness.

So i finally asked her straight out - what do you do... when you are not motivated to get better?

No answer. I stumped her.

Guess I am on my own. So basically all those co-pays and all the meds were for nothing............ in the end - it is fix it yourself.

[Viuam]

... How could any T ask you not to see them until AFTER you get past depression? They are supposed to help you get through it! That's awful on her part, not yours. Sometimes it is hard to find the right therapist for each individual. Like meds, it's a tailored fit. I don't think that you need to be on your own, even if you feel that you have no motivation at the moment. Maybe another therapist might be a better option for you right now. I hope you can find the right fit for you.

[gloamingone]

Ugh. That's awful. My prescriber told me that meds won't work for me, that I just have to "face my fears" and all the depression, agoraphobia, and PTSD will go away. It's ridiculous that these people get in that line of work if they're going to have that attitude.

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But you are motivated to get better or why would you have a team helping you?

First question... Do you think you should be in the hospital? You are among strangers. May or May not help. You do not have to answer aloud if you don't want to but maybe think about it.

I understand extreme apathy. Going through it. Med change adjustment could help. It would be hard to suggest say... Exercise if you aren't motivated.

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[cswhitchurch]

You are seeing two therapists at the same time? Are they for different issues?

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i have been in the nut house before (lovely 6 day stay). and honestly - I do not know. I do not think I am about to kill myself. but part of me honestly doesn't give a damn either.

[healingme4me]

Stop seeing her, until you get past your depression?!?! Wha???

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[Fuzzybear]

It is not cool that some of their attitudes are what they are.....

[StarStrike]

She needs to get her head out from the cheeks of her rear end and actually listen to you and help you because by the sound of things, she's not doing her job properly.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by StarStrike

She needs to get her head out from the cheeks of her rear end and actually listen to you and help you because by the sound of things, she's not doing her job properly.

[toughgirl]

I share a love-hate relationship with my shrink. I like to see him think and believe that I would be perfectly fine one day. I don't think so. Not so much.

My first reaction was to get mad at the shrink. But the thing is she may feel she is not able to help and she didn't leave the op with no support and she isn't the med doc. I would rather have a professional be honest about not being able to help. If she wasn't honest about her own shortcomings or simply approached callously then I would criticize her for that.

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[smmath]

I think that not telling your shrink when you are in trouble is a dangerous thing. They are here to help you, and if you are not honest with them, then how are they going to help you? I don't think that calling a psych ward a "nut house" is very good either. I think it can be very offensive to those there that are dealing with severe mental illness. I also don't understand why y'all are bashing the therapist for giving her honest opinion. If you have another therapist then, maybe she did the right thing. I don't think that it is funny to try and stump the therapist by asking things like that. How does that help anyone?

I apologize for sounding somewhat antagonistic, but that is the way I feel.

Your T sounds like a ridiculous person. Jeez. If they do believe that you need more help then they should recommend other resources for you instead of just kick you out.

Also, I've always viewed my T as a sort of tutor/organizer except for my brain. It's up to you in the end to adjust the actions (the tutor can only do so much) but they really are supposed to mentor you, listen to you, and teach you better ways of coping. A good therapist will not only be very empathetic but also challenge you to do better. I've never asked my therapist tough questions like that because I always summed it up to "I need to find motivation or I need to create can you help me with this" instead.

Even though you've gone through such a bad experience I would still suggest looking for a T that understands you better! I hope you find a better one!

[The_little_didgee]

It doesn't sound like you are ready to work towards getting better right now. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we need to endure the pain for a period of time and "go it alone" to recover. Anyway, psychotherapists and medication can only do so much.

I chose to do this during my adolescence. At the time I was having issues with adjustment and depression. I got through it. The experience taught me so much about myself. Maybe this is what you need to do too.

[wanna.be.happy]

That's totally messed, great way to be there for ya

[rockymtngal]

Originally Posted by gloamingone

Ugh. That's awful. My prescriber told me that meds won't work for me, that I just have to "face my fears" and all the depression, agoraphobia, and PTSD will go away. It's ridiculous that these people get in that line of work if they're going to have that attitude.

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[rockymtngal]

Are you serious ? What do they think their job is? Infuriating!

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[Sadley]

You need a new therapist. Although I agree that in the end, you have to fix yourself. I tell the truth to my therapist, and while she told me "You're tough" as in, she doesn't know how to help me, she listens. After not seeing her for a really long time since she was sick Monday, I'm missing her sessions.

I've been in the hospital for a week. It didn't help me at all. Of course, whether it helps other people or not may differ. I just was in a unit that had a lot of heroin and meth addicts.

Originally Posted by Useless Me

I think we all have some of these in our heads.......

Well, I was with one of my shrinks yesterday and she went through the always fun question "do you need to be in the hospital"??

(side note - WHO every says yes to that question?)

I said no. And the next thing I hear is her talking about how I should probably stop seeing her until I get past my depression (I am seeing one other therapist and a meds doctor). Part of me feels like I am a failure for STILL being stuck in my darkness.

So i finally asked her straight out - what do you do... when you are not motivated to get better?

No answer. I stumped her.

Guess I am on my own. So basically all those co-pays and all the meds were for nothing............ in the end - it is fix it yourself.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!! I absolutely believe you are spot on! When it comes right down to it... we're just on our own. I'm where you are, I think. I'm just not motivated to get better. Or, rather, perhaps I should say I am motivated to get better, & I believe I know what would get me better, but I'm just not wiling to go there. And, since this is the case, there's nothing anyone can do for me. In the end, the options are live with it or fix it yourself.

My psychiatrist never asks me if I think I should be in the hospital. I had a therapist a while back who asked me that. And of course I said "no". BTW, why would a therapist suggest you stop seeing her until you get past your depression? Isn't that what you're paying the therapist for is to help you deal with your depression? That's like a surgeon telling you to come back once you've gotten used to the pain!

Apparently I did not make myself clear (sorry - my fault).

I am seeing a total of THREE shrinks. The one that said - "pause" is for marital counseling. She is allowing my individual therapist and meds doc to fix me before we try to fix other issues.............

the issue is not her saying that we need to step back.

my point (was supposed to be) when you really dont CARE if you better - then what do you do?

[gayleggg]

Med change maybe, unless you're like me and have been through them all with no relief. Otherwise, it's a lot of suffering until you are ready. I go through spells where I don't care anymore, then something reminds me how it would effect my daughter if I took the fast way out. Meanwhile, I just suffer. I'm not sure what we are supposed to do about it. I wish I knew the answer.

Originally Posted by Useless Me

Apparently I did not make myself clear (sorry - my fault).

I am seeing a total of THREE shrinks. The one that said - "pause" is for marital counseling. She is allowing my individual therapist and meds doc to fix me before we try to fix other issues.............

the issue is not her saying that we need to step back.

my point (was supposed to be) when you really dont CARE if you better - then what do you do?

Thanks for clarifying.

Sigh. It is such a difficult problem. I've been going through the same thing. If I could just be concerned about finding a job I would probably have one. I have always been industrious and clever about careers. I can relate.

Two days ago I went to my pa and she changed my med. I am feeling better so maybe it helped and it will cascade. I am also moving closer to ending some meds that I thing may be part of the cause.

In 2010 was in crisis. Art saved me. I had no purpose. For the next 3 years I picked up new skills and reinvigorated old ones. In fact it made my career less and less palatable which is where I am now. I actually went to Mexico by myself to figure this out and heal.

The point is I don't know how you fix it. As you can see meds might work and a non med solution did work. My best advice is to use your depression t to help you look inside yourself for what is missing. My instinct based on your words makes me think it is not simply a bio based issue.

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[Swan61]

I am at this moment facing similar feelings of being a failure at progressing out of my depression. I told my T today, that i am lost and confused, so of course, i need to tell my doc, and maybe get a med change, and take a break from my usual behavior, get my sleep under control and we can begin again...yeah, then i'll be able to solve this misery i am in mentally when i get myself together....good advice for me, but my evening has been one rumination after another and i blame myself for everything i am doing wrong....I feel that because i'm older and coming to the end of my life, that i'm not worth the time and effort that needs to go into me to get me well. I might as well go ahead and end it all now and quit talking about it!

[bushwackback]

Originally Posted by Useless Me

So i finally asked her straight out - what do you do... when you are not motivated to get better?

No answer. I stumped her.

Guess I am on my own. So basically all those co-pays and all the meds were for nothing............ in the end - it is fix it yourself.

Perhaps that is the end--to fix it ourselves. But what if it is? It's not happy news at first, but it's also (I think) not so bad. Because the painful and hard process of becoming better, is getting better.

It's the process that produces the health. Not the treatment. Not the meds. Not the evaluations.

Problem is that asking questions like that will usually "stump" a shrink because they approach the issue as a biomass that is outside of normal and so questions about purpose, teleology, or deeply existential things will often stump them. Or maybe they just feel ill-qualified to answer. They are not the right persons to ask.

But don't be afraid of that. If they could answer that, then they would hold the keys to your recovery, instead of you. And that would not be a good thing.