Finally Success

live2ski66 · Feb 07, 2014, 08:00 PM

May be a bit long. Back in 2000 I was diagnosed with major depression. I could never get a handle on it. First I used to think it was random. Then I realized some of the triggers, usually when my life is out of balance-relationships, financial, jobs, living arrangements, relationship with parents, friendships, etc. I start sliding into my abyss. Up until this last episode, alcohol was a part of the medication. Luckily I always take my meds excepts for when I run out, then I miss them for a day or two if I can't get them right away. The descent into my abyss continues by not getting out of bed, not answering phones, living in the dark, and of course alcohol, scotch, wine, vodka, rum. Equal opportunity abuser. Of course my doctors and pharmacist strongly suggest I don't drink. At times they will suggest I quit drinking all together, but I don't want to. I continue down the abyss, it gets worse and worse. Eventually, months later, I start crawling out of my abyss. The depression continues at a lower intensity, but continues.

Fast forward to this year. A combination of events threw me into the abyss. I wallowed in misery, but I noticed I was not reaching for the alcohol. I kept practicing various aspects of DBT, I tried to stay engaged with the world that had thrown me into the abyss. And I didn't reach for the bottle. I continued to take my meds. I spent a few days under the covers but they were not consecutive. I reached out to my therapist via email, a deluge of emotions. One of my cousins checked in on me every other day, and I had Psych Central. I read through the posts, I joined the chat events and I processed a lot of things. A month after beginning my descent into the abyss, I am crawling out. I couldn't quite believe it!

So, it has taken almost 14 years to learn how to address my depression in a positive proactive way without sabotaging myself. And it is working! I'm not completely out, but mostly there. All with the tools I've learned along the way and no alcohol to hide behind.

It may sound like I gave up alcohol, but I haven't. I still love a good scotch. I'm just not drinking the entire bottle in one might.

I know I'm pretty new here, you have helped tremendously. Thank you Psych Central and it's members for giving me a safe place to heal. I will apply my newly found knowledge next time that abyss tries to suck me in.